LeaninGreen

Great Resource

2011-10-30T23:58:00.000-05:00

Whole Foods Advanced Recipe Search

I have recently discovered this amazing recipe resource. I love the advanced search feature, in which you can specify things like Vegan, or Gluten Free, or Sugar Conscious. This means you don't have to search through irrelevant recipes and you don't have to encounter tempting recipes with ingredients (like dairy or bread) that you're trying to stay away from.

This Puts it all in Perspective

2011-10-28T22:04:00.000-05:00

I just ran across this on Huffington Post today. It's about a chef who lost his entire stomach to cancer. In spite of this, he still can eat (although only small meals), and he still works around food. He has found a way to still work in his vocation with passion and to help other people use food to fight cancer:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/28/hans-rueffert-chef-stomach-cookbook_n_1011680.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003

ShouldaWouldaCoulda

2011-10-24T21:49:00.000-05:00

I started this blog to chronicle my weight-loss and health journey, while focusing too on the environmental aspects of eating and shopping for food. During the past few months, I have done more to further the cause and keep in the spirit of this blog than I did in the previous three years.

To explain, I finally kicked (mostly) some bad habits and have consistently taken responsibility for what I eat, what I buy, for weight loss, and for my impact on the environment.

My best friend in the whole world, Ms. O., got married this summer. She was ridiculously organized about planning her wedding and insisted we order our bridesmaid's dresses in January (for a July wedding). She picked a gorgeous but unforgiving purple pencil-style shiny frock that I ordered in a size a little too optimistic for my own good. The dress came and it didn't fit. I could get in it, but no amount of stomach-suckage and gyrations made it zip, actually I made a tiny rip during these bi-weekly shenanigans.

Nordstrom's sold out of the dress, so even though I was tempted to just order the next size up at one point, by the time I decided to give in, they had sold out. No way out of it now. If I didn't fit in it, she would kill me, stone dead. I had no choice. I had to stop stuffing my face.

I started swimming last year, and have kept this up for over a year now, but I still regularly stuffed my face, so the weight loss (and gain) fluctuated. At one point, I found myself at 70 lbs overweight. You would think this would shock me into doing something, but ultimately, the visions of Ms. O. murdering me (or at least castigating me with a look of disappointment and disapproval) worked wonders for my motivation.

Before the wedding, I managed to lose about 15 pounds through giving up most meat, cutting down on dairy, eliminating bread, most sugar, and fat. I limited myself to 900 calories per day (plus booze calories a couple of days a week) and saw results fast. I knew I couldn't sustain this for the long haul, but the wedding day loomed and I was a desperate woman.

With the help of Spanx, a good strapless bra, and the dedicated work of the other bridesmaids, we managed to tuck me inside the dress (and I could still breathe). Thank goodness gracious.

When I returned home, I decided to continue all the good work and started working out often because I don't teach many classes in summer I had an excess of free time. I also watched a documentary called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, bought a juicer, and started what the movie calls "a reboot." I juiced for about three days, then started to eat only vegetables for a period of about five weeks or so. I currently have lost about 40 of the 70 pounds and am still going strong. I've introduced myself to all manner of new foods, have gone mostly vegan, and am eating better and feeling more satisfied and happy with what I'm eating than I ever have before.

More to come, folks!

The Blank Page

2010-10-03T15:08:00.001-05:00

Hi there. Remember me? I'm the person who used to blog regularly, right here, on this blog. Life has been pretty busy lately. I've been working a full-time job, a traditional 8-5, 40 hour a week job, which is a situation and schedule that never suits me well. I just also started teaching a class once a week, so I've been easing into that. It's not that I haven't had time, it's just that I've felt mentally drained when I got home. I was leaving the house at 7, going to work, swimming after work, and getting home about 7, eating dinner, and going to bed.

Last week, I was informed that my temp job would be ending. I looked forward to working there another week, because I actually liked the people I worked with. I hung out with Mr. J. last weekend, and he managed to give me some kind of sinus/throat infection and I had to call in sick on Wednesday. I really was very ill, went to the doctor on Thursday, got anti-biotics and painkillers and have been recuperating since. It's Sunday and I still feel pretty awful. I know it isn't flu and it isn't strep throat, but whatever caused it is pretty nasty.

The temp agency didn't believe I was sick and the lady became rather suspicious and accusatory with me, and although I am presenting doctor's notes and prescriptions to them, I don't expect they will be in a hurry to find me another job. If you're a temp, you're not allowed to get sick, even though getting sick is on your own dime.

I'm still not feeling well, although I'm much better than a few days ago. My mother is angry with me because I'm not over at her house helping her go through her garage to collect things for a yard sale. So today, I'm a little tired of people being mad at me for being sick. I've already lost my job. I don't need more guilt.

I meant to write this blog about all the wonderful documentaries I watched while laying around the house for the past few days, but I got sidetracked. I do have to say that there are a few entries before this one that also appear on my other blog: Light and Dark, which is mostly about photography, but there are entries I wrote there that also fit here, and I didn't want readers of this blog to have a huge gap in what's been happening to me.

The Amazing Swim

2010-07-22T21:46:00.000-05:00

I've been recovering from bronchitis/sinus infection Hell for the past couple of weeks, and rather typically, becoming impatient and frustrated with my body when I don't recover quickly enough. I went swimming on Sunday, did fine, went again on Monday and ached all the way through it and had difficulty breathing, went Tuesday and was miserable - I struggled to breathe, couldn't find any energy and just thoroughly felt defeated. I started to berate myself on the way home because I could only do a lethargic 25 lengths. Of course, I snowballed this self-abuse into me giving up on it entirely and getting tired of things too quickly. I said to a friend to tonight that if I were as mean to anyone else as I am to myself, I probably wouldn't speak to me.

Yesterday, an act of God intervened. I went to the Y and the pool was closed because of thunder and lightening. I didn't want to hang around downtown for it to re-open, so I just headed home and decided to go over to Miss B.'s for dinner and wine spritzers with her and her young though incredibly smart and charming new man-friend.

A night of good food, wine, Scrabble and good old Nashville guitar playing did me the world of good, even though I exceeded my calorie goals (OH NO!) and got a little tipsy and home too late.

Today I braved the pool after my divinely intentioned Day of Rest and knew immediately on dipping myself into the water that I was back! I sailed through the water effortlessly and just rejoiced in the feel of it around my skin and revelled in my ability to glide through it. Today, I managed to swim more than half my lengths front-crawl, and finished 1600 metres in under half an hour. I was actually out of breath when I got out of the pool and felt like I had an incredible workout. I was proud of my body and what it can do.

When I left the Y, I actually felt high on the endorphins. I truly enjoyed my workout. I am glad I have got to the point where it is fun, challenging and a high point in my day, not a chore or just a way to burn calories. I'm actually doing this for my mental as well as physical well-being. Not being able to work out properly until today has left me stressed and frustrated and I am grateful to finally feel like myself again.

More of the Same

2010-07-18T13:52:00.000-05:00

Hello dear readers. It seems I haven't written in close to a month, but I just re-read my last blog and I am happy to announce I've continued according to the plan laid out then. I'm still swimming, still eating well, and still going to bed early.

Despite swimming regularly and eating well, I've been plagued with not feeling well for the past month. I had a weird stint of vertigo that lasted about three weeks, followed by a cold that turned into bronchitis and a sinus infection, so it has been difficult to maintain the good habits. I had to take three days off work (for which I did not get paid) and I've had to take a week off from swimming. I'm finally beginning to feel somewhat better, so I plan to swim this afternoon, and I know it will be difficult because I haven't done it for a week. I was getting pretty good there - I even got up to a mile! There's not much else going on really. I'm just eating well, exercising, and am pleased to say I'm losing weight. I'm currently wearing a pair of jeans that haven't fit since last September. I don't feel deprived in the least. I just finished eating a breakfast consisting of coffee with real cream and a whole wheat bagel with cream cheese and smoked salmon and capers. I've cut down my portions significantly (I think that comes from not eating for three weeks - I never picked the appetite back up) and I'm trying to eat a lot of fish, fruit, whole grains and vegetables (oh and some chocolate thrown in for good measure).

I've also cut down on drinking. I figure it doesn't do me much good to swill down caloric depressants every night when I'm trying to battle that sort of thing. Also, the swimming makes me feel good and I find I don't really want to drink. This has cut down significantly on the calories I'm ingesting daily, and from what I can see, my efforts are working.

The Mind and Body Connection

2010-06-24T20:48:00.000-05:00

I had a little bit of an epiphany today. For the past few months, I've been trying to fix my mind and my heart, and all efforts have, in truth, failed, but I noticed that recently I've begun to do something else, and it wasn't initially a planned thing. I think I was feeling rotten, so I started to take steps to fix it, and that meant fixing what is going on physically first, and if I feel good in body, the theory goes, maybe the mind and eventually the heart will follow.

I stopped smoking. Actually, joining the Y happened first, but the smoking stopped about 2 days later. I knew exercise would do it, but I thought the actual quitting process would happen much more slowly; however, after the first full day swimming and a night out on which I smoked a ridiculous amount of Camel Crushes, enough to make myself sick really, I quit, suddenly, and without any of the usual crutches. I quit smoking the first time in 2002 after smoking for seven years and that time, I needed the patch. I quit again last year (after starting again, obviously) and I needed the patch again, but this time, I was able to go the full cold turkey. I don't know why that makes me prouder, or more in control, but it does. I finally killed the nicotine craving all by myself. Go me!

The swimming: I adore the swimming. I think I have more of an addiction to the way it makes me feel rather than the actual process of doing it, although I love that too. A friend asked if I found swimming laps boring, I suppose because you can't listen to music or watch TV, but I enjoy not having those distractions and I enjoy consciously working on improving my stroke and my time and monitoring how my body reacts to the challenges I set for it. I enjoy reaping the rewards of the effort becoming easier, or at least smoother, and being able to do a little bit more, or do the same a little bit better, each day.

After getting out of the pool, I feel strangely calm. After not having the opportunity to swim yesterday or today, I feel uptight, both physically and mentally. My mood is distracted and anxious and I can't wait to get back in the pool tomorrow. I mentioned earlier that I started exercising to reduce my anxiety level, and it has, but I already feel stronger, and I can already see improvements in my body (or my figure, as my grandma would say). It's amazing what can happen in two weeks.

Like bad habits, it seems good habits also have a domino effect, or come together because the mutual benefits are greater than the singular. I have mentioned previously my rotten eating habits the past few months. My stomach has been constantly upset and intolerant of anything weird, so I ate a lot of stodge: chicken, bread, butter, some salad. That's about it. Well, now I've cut out the butter and the white bread, started eating more fish, taking my lunch to work, and actually planning ahead for meals, like, you know, an adult or something. Today, two ladies in the cafeteria said to each other within purposeful earshot of me, "Can we bash her over the head and steal her lunch?" I haven't cooked inside in about two months. The little Weber porch grill has cooked everything, and that makes for healthier eating too. I find when I cook for myself, I generally lose weight. There are some great things about being single, and one is the act of controlling exactly what you eat and when, and not having to compromise with someone else so often over food choices.

Sleep: Oh dear readers, I do not sleep. I've had trouble with this since college and when there are stressors in my life, the problem manifests itself severely. For the past several months, I've been averaging about four hours' sleep a night, if I'm lucky, but I took steps to take care of this problem also. The doctor said I have all the symptoms of chronic insomnia, and prescribed more exercise and sleepy pills. I don't really have to take the pills all that often - just knowing they are there and I won't have to lie awake all night helps most of the time, and the swimming really wears me out, but even if I'm dead to the world tired, my mind keeps ticking and won't let me sleep. This week's goal has been Project Early Night. I've been in bed before ten every night, comfy and reading. I don't set a limit on how long I can read - just no phone, no computer, and no other distractions.

This is my plan for now. I take one day at a time, and try to make improvements one little step at a time. I'm hoping the physical improvements and the benefit of endorphins will work their magic on me. I also haven't forgotten about the healing benefits of creativity and am about to text Miss. L. to ask if she wants to work on our photo project this weekend. We are still brainstorming and it has been on hiatus because she went on vacation, but the plan is still very much in the works.

Apologies

2010-06-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

I do apologize, dear readers, for the lack of activity on this blog over the past couple of weeks. A couple of posts ago, I explained I was feeling a little down in the dumps, which actually has continued for a while, despite my best efforts to kick the doldrums into the middle of the proverbial "next week" for several past weeks. I also have developed a mysterious ailment, the origin of which is completely bamboozling both me and my doctor: I have, at this point, almost constant vertigo. This started about three weeks ago, when I stood up at work and felt suddenly lightheaded and as if my legs would buckle. The occurrences of this have become so often that it feels like I am dizzy all the time. I am finding it difficult to function under these circumstances. I have been depressed, had panic and anxiety attacks, and now, on top of this, I am constantly dizzy and nauseous. My doctor's best guess is a viral infection, cause unknown, that will "probably" work its way out. I hope probably turns out to be pretty probable, because I feel awful.

I have to go to work tomorrow, and I am dreading being there and feeling terrible all day. The only time I feel better, weirdly enough, is when I'm swimming. The only explanation I have is that I'm on a different equilibrium in the water, so I don't feel sick or dizzy.

I joined the Y, dear readers. I decided that the legacy of AMWUDM would not be the destruction of my health. I quit smoking, cold turkey, twelve days ago, two days after I joined the Y and started swimming, after work, as often as my schedule will allow. I started swimming to feel better, to thwart depression, moodiness, apathy, and to gain some energy. It wouldn't hurt if it continued to help me lose weight (I'm already much skinnier post break-up - that is one good thing), but some toning wouldn't hurt either, especially as I happen to know that the post break-up weight reaction has not gone quite the same way for the other party involved. I hate to say it, but that gives me impetus to be fit, healthy, and look good. Perhaps that's spiteful, but I don't really care - it's all about me at this point, and what makes ME feel good, and knowing that I do and will look a hundred times better than I did then gives me a kind of smug satisfaction. Well, whatever it takes to motivate, right?

Really Good Thai Food!

2010-06-20T21:57:00.000-05:00

So, the other night, NGIHOW and I went to eat Thai at this restaurant on Nolensville Road. I was in one of those moods where I was starving and couldn't make a decision. I kept saying I wanted Greek food but couldn't think of anywhere decent to get it. After a while, Mr. J. (or NGIHOW) made the observation that I was not making any concrete suggestions but just picking fault with everyone else's. He was right, and I told him so, so I conceded and decided to put my night's culinary fate in his hands. It was a good choice. Notoriously picky about Thai food and not a fan of Royal Thai or Siam Cuisine, I didn't have high expectations, despite Mr. J's good endorsement. I should have trusted him because the food was excellent and very cheap. I recommend the Tiger Tear Salad and the Fresh Spring Rolls. He was jealous of my salad, and even ate a good amount of it, although I couldn't really share his as he ordered it hot as hellfire.

Finding new, inexpensive, out of the way cuisine is one of my favourite things in life - it's one of the pleasures that makes life occasionally delicious and worth living, so when I do find these gems, I share them with you.

Three Things

2010-06-07T23:03:00.000-05:00

Has it really been a week since I posted? I've been thinking about writing on this blog all week, but I suppose thinking it doesn't really get the baby bathed does it?

It's been a rough week and I won't pretend otherwise for the sake of keeping my chin up on this blog. I think I reached something akin to my nadir during the past few days. Suddenly everything seemed totally shit. My life seemed pointless and irreparable and I didn't know what to do. The months of not sleeping, of rehashing my former relationship in my head, of fighting and fighting to try and find a decent job, of struggling with money and broken cars and unforeseen expenses, finally got to me and I felt more down than I have in years. I cried every day last week, sometimes about these big things and sometimes because I spilt cat food on the floor or couldn't find anything to wear. I felt rotten. I had panic attacks, dizzy spells, the fits of crying, extreme exhaustion, swings between extreme emotion and extreme apathy, and on top of that, my skin broke out like you wouldn't believe.

Fortunately, I have good friends, friends who took me out and cheered me up last Friday and Saturday. The combination of $5 martinis at the gay bar, game night, and an amazing U2 cover show did show me that perhaps life might occasionally be worth sticking around for, even if those moments seem fleeting.

My weekend was terrible. I napped a lot, picked fights with my parents and anyone else who would listen, thought about getting things done, but didn't, complained about the heat, moped, and dreaded going back to work.

Today though, today seemed better. I set myself three manageable goals: Join the Y, make a doctor's appointment, and buy good, healthy groceries. I did all three. I didn't get home until almost 8pm, and I'm tired, but I feel good that I got something done.

Crazy is Relative

2010-05-30T01:42:00.000-05:00

Tonight, Miss L. and I brainstormed a photo project. I won't go into details, but it is quite an undertaking, involving 78 images that require planning, staging, models and props, and possibly a lot of post-processing. She is really good at that. I suck, and lack the proper resources anyway. I didn't intend to hang out with her all day, but she got out of work early and I had to pick up some pics from her, so we started hanging out, drinking beer and got into planning a project, something I'd been thinking about for a while, but I needed someone else on board with me and she seems game.

Miss B. came over later, agreed to be one of our models, and helped us brainstorm the images. We talked until about midnight and I drove the relatively short distance home. Perhaps I'm getting old, or more sensible, but driving home on a Saturday night is like taking your life into your hands. I stopped at a light to turn onto Briley Parkway, and whilst there, nearly got hit by not one, but two cars. One truck did a noisy and seemingly last minute u-turn right behind me and another car swerved to miss me and went barrelling through a red light. What the hell? It was like that all the way home. I was minding my own business, driving between the lines and below the speed limit, and all around me, the crazies were out to get me. Where were the cops? Oh, they were probably busy racial-profiling on Charlotte Pike or pulling over people for driving while being Mexican. I was just relieved to get back through my front door in one piece. I had been drinking beer, but not a lot, and over a long period of time, and I felt stone cold sober on the way home. If I hadn't, I'm sure the many near-death experiences I encountered would have sobered me right up.

Wine (Whine)

2010-05-12T23:18:00.000-05:00

Claire has nothing to say really, other than she has drank an entire bottle of wine, by herself. She thinks that some would raise red flags at this, but she (to quote Shakespeare) bites her thumb at them. Claire's great excursion of the week has been to Aldi, where, in a frenzy of not having gone out anywhere, she spent rather too much money and bought way too much meat and charcoal. Well, she will be well fed for the next couple of weeks.

There's an amazing deal going on in Nashville right now, and it's not Groupon related. Main Street Liquors on Gallatin Road (code name: Ghetto Liquors) has acclimated to its clientele, which is homeless people and East Nashville broke pseudo-yuppies (kind of like myself, but I am not even pseudo-yuppie enough to live in the ENash). My old roommate, who has been mentioned before on this blog, Miss C., introduced me to this place a few years ago. There's an amazing deal there: three bottles of wine for 10.99. It works out at $12 exactly with tax. Back in the day, when we first started going there, you had to pick through the rubbish and the expired stuff to find something semi-decent. I'll admit (and this is a shameless window into my shady personality) to going there before a party to stock up on cheap stuff for people to drink who were too cheap to bring enough booze to satiate themselves at my parties. That was Ghetto Liquor's main function.

However, lately, they have begun to really evaluate their clientele. Now they still have the 3 for 10.99 deal, but they also have more upmarket three-fors. There's a 3 for 13.99 and a 3 for 21.99, and all are wines sold elsewhere in Nashville for much higher prices. The more expensive deals tempt me every time I go in, and I darken their door often these days.

However, as mentioned earlier, this girl works a temp job, for crappy money, but there are still needs that have to be met, and wine is one of them. I require (because I have champagne taste on a Nat Light budget) decent wine and lots of it at a good price. Friends introduced me to Gato Negro, which is a lovely Chilean Sav Blanc for 3 for 10.99. Even my budget and drinking habits can handle that. I love Montez, which is a reminder of past relationship blah de blah de blah, but it's $10 a bottle, and to me, and one of my snobbier friends, Gato Negro tastes just like it. I hope no one is really reading this blog, because I'm giving away great secrets, which I'm sure will end up on a certain Tennessean's columnist's page (no names mentioned on purpose) and ruin everything. Not having a car is screwing up my plans because tonight I paid the same amount for one bottle of wine here in Old Hickory.

So I started this blog in the third person, which is always a sign that Claire is tipsy. Time to take Claire to bed because she has to get up in the morning and work a totally pointless job. Seriously, Claire has worked out a way to make her job completely obsolete, but shush, don't tell anyone...

Stranded!

2010-05-11T23:14:00.000-05:00

I'm stranded between work and home for the next few days and the thought is depressing the hell out of me. I do not want to be home, alone, bored. I'm sure there's plenty I could be doing with my time like cleaning out the sock drawer, or rearranging my CD's into alphabetical order. Or perhaps I could mow my grass or finish some laundry, or remember what the vacuum cleaner looks like.

My parents are borrowing my car. My mother is taking me to work and picking me up again, and at all other times, I am stranded here. I also have hurt my back somehow, so heavy housework and lawn-mowing is not in my immediate future. So tonight, life pretty much sucks. I was hoping to go out and distract myself from my life, if I can't actually divorce it right now, but that plan is pretty much shot. So, I'm in a funk.

What's the funk about, you ask, or maybe you didn't, but I'll tell you anyway. Radio Silence was interrupted by a transmission last week, and it has me funked out. AMWUDM sent a message asking if I was o.k. I replied. He answered "Yup." Two months of not speaking and "Yup." I think my former theory that he's gone completely off his rocker might actually be the most on target. I don't even get a real word? I'm not worthy of a REAL WORD? I guess not, I am just the good time girl after all. That's what he said when we broke up (he really does have a way with words), after months of professing love for me, that "we had a good time." I honestly could have smacked him across the face for that one. Perhaps I should have, maybe it would have knocked some sense into him. Was that supposed to make me feel better? "I broke your heart, but damn, we had a really great time doing it. See ya around kiddo!"

We did have a flood, and it's conceivable, possibly, that I could have drowned, but still, he doesn't care that he broke my heart into a million completely unrecognizable pieces, but he cares that I'm not drowned, or dead, or my house isn't washed away?

I have a nibbling doubt from that, one that creeps forward from the back of my head at inconvenient times, that maybe I am the Good Time Girl. Maybe I'm not the girl men marry or have kids with or hang out with at barbecues with their parents with. Maybe I'm just the Good Time. I drink, I swear, I have a good time. I like to talk about sex and politics and get feisty about both. Perhaps that's not what men want in the girls they marry or settle down with. I should be the demure virgin (whether real or just in demeanor), the Angel of the Household, as the Victorians would have it. It does no good to ponder though, because I'm just not that kind of girl and will never be.

I promise to interrupt my self-indulgent and whiny posts with picture postings soon. I'm working on the 150 or so photographs I uploaded a few days ago and I'm finding the sheer volume a little overwhelming, but I'm getting there, I promise. They are divided into albums, so that's a step in the right direction. Well, me and my very sore back are going to bed with a heavy dose of painkiller.

Malaise

2010-04-21T22:00:00.000-05:00

Tonight I went out with my favourite gays to eat Indian food. Somehow I still managed to order a concoction of chicken and bread. What is it with me lately? That's still basically all I can eat, or all I want to eat. I hadn't been to Bombay Palace in a while, and I really love that place - if you live in Nashville, you should give it a try - the chicken tikka is pretty amazing.

I have a new job, for which I am grateful, as far as the money issue goes, but this working 8-5 day in, day out thing has me thinking about what I want from my life and what I need from a job. The whole set-up just leaves me feeling empty - there's nothing to think about when I come home. I just go in, mindlessly complete the tasks set out for me, and come home. I can see how some people could find that somewhat freeing, but I just bemoan the lack of vocation it takes. I'm trying to at least get some adjunct teaching gigs, and I feel like the flexible schedule plus the creativity and control over my own classroom is much more in line with my personality and with who I need to be. Except for showing up to teach class at an assigned time, I can do grading and planning on my own schedule, and I really like having that freedom. Right about now, the colleges are starting to think about hiring professors for next semester, and some might even have summer classes. All my applications are in, and I am going to start bugging them this week. The squeaky wheel approach has worked wonders for me in the past. I can't continue to do a job that requires so little from me mentally and has me boxed in for eight plus hours a day in a room full of cubicles and no windows. Is that what life is really about?

Don't talk to me about pipe dreams either. I just want to get out of here - just take off travelling around the country. I know it's highly impractical, but my brain is cooking up escape plans, some more ludicrous than others, but I don't want to look back at my life and think about all the things I wanted to do but didn't because I was afraid, or because I worried what other people would think. I always wanted to be the person who did the things other people just talk about. If those things are somehow within my means, I should at least consider the possibility of making them happen. It just seems that the world is such an interesting and unpredictable place, and I am stuck here, travelling the same route every day to and from work to sit looking at the same cubicle walls and computer screen. Something will have to give soon or I may go crazy.

I am so behind on film developing that I'm almost scared to take more pictures. I wanted to go out tonight, but I now have six rolls that I can't afford to get processed. I have to slow it down some. I can just take them and just have a backlog, I suppose. Next week, when I get paid for an entire week, I will start chipping away at the mountain of canisters. I have mostly 35mm, so at least those are cheap to get processed and scanned and they do produce more numerous results than the medium format, but lately, my heart lies with the high resolution and the retro delight of the square image. There's just something so deliciously restraining about composing within a square - it makes you think differently, and if there's something I need right now, it's the new and different.

Part of my malaise is because I was supposed to go out on a date tonight - well I don't know if it was a date or just a hanging out kind of deal, and I was actually looking forward to it. Last time I got out of a relationship, I didn't do the whole rebound thing, and I really don't want to this time, but it just feels good to go out and hang out with a straight guy and have good conversation, so I was a little disappointed when his life got in the way, but hey, it can't be helped.

Birthday Fun

2010-04-14T22:33:00.000-05:00

So Monday was my birthday. I lost my job, just before I was supposed to go out and celebrate with friends. I decided to not worry about it and go out and have fun, but it was difficult to fake/try to make reality a good mood, at first. But, my lovely, wonderful friends were there, full of joy and good wishes for me. People came out whom I did not expect and it was a nice little evening, and the cheer and the beer gradually lifted my mood out of the doldrums. I was in the atrium at the Flying Saucer and I noticed the gorgeous sunset light outside, so I went to my car, got my FE2, and took more pictures of Union Station. I also took some pictures of my friends inside and some interior shots of the atrium. I'm switching to 35mm for now, because I haven't worked consistently for the past three weeks and medium format takes a heavy toll on the old pocketbook, but I can't wait to get back to it. Miss B. and I went to the Villager afterwards, where I got asked out by someone whom I was speaking with last week. He didn't ask me for my number then, but he got up the gumption on Monday. It probably helped that I looked ridiculous drinking Shiner Bock from a large dogbowl (it's a birthday tradition at the Villager - free beer in a dogbowl).

So last night I went out on a date. Totally unexpected, and I did have a good time. I told him not to have any expectations of me, and he said he was willing to just go along with me and have fun - no pressure - just good conversation and no emotional heaviness. I cannot write tonight. I want to get this all down, but the words aren't flowing very well. I apologize. He's a good listener and a good conversationalist and he's smart, and that is a prerequisite for my interest. I am probably going out with him next week sometime, and I'm happy about it, but I'm not able to feel too much of anything for anyone right now - but perhaps that's good.

I am tired and not making much sense. I have more pictures to post, but I am spacing them out a little until I can get more film processed. I don't want to give up all the goods at once - I'm not that kind of girl.

Finally

2010-04-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

So I'm finally able to eat something that's not chicken and bread. I don't exactly have my appetite back yet, but I am now eating salad and sandwiches, and tonight I grilled a pork tenderloin on the grill when a friend came over, and I made salad and grilled potatoes too. I'm not eating much each day, and it seems like lunch is completely off the menu, but I am back to eating breakfast and sometimes dinner. At least I'm hungry when I wake up, which is more like me. I'm still not ok with rich foods, but that might be a blessing in disguise. I've definitely dropped some weight, which is a bonus. It's starting to be time for summer clothes again, and my summer clothes fit exactly like they did when I stopped wearing them last year, which means I'm pretty much the same as I was then, which is great because I lost a lot of weight last summer after the surgery.

I'm not too worried about it. I'm just eating what I want when I'm hungry, and if I'm not hungry, I just don't bother.

I cleaned the entire house today, and my friend helped me take my mountain of recycling to the recycling place, so I feel like the house has been cleansed. It always makes me feel so much better when I have a nice clean house. Martin is asleep bunched up on the television cabinet and snoring, and everything here is pretty quiet. I'm going to bed early.

Not Trying

2010-03-30T23:27:00.000-05:00

So apparently the way you lose weight is go through a break-up, a horribly heart-wrenching and inexplicable break-up, have no communication with the person who broke up with you without a viable explanation, and spend your days wondering what happened, and not eating.

That works wonders for your waistline. The good jeans fit. The other good jeans fit even better. I'm trying to eat - that's the thing. I'm not trying to starve myself. I am eating when I am hungry, but I can only think about stomaching a very limited number of things, and that makes it complicated. If something is there, and it's not exactly what I want, I just don't eat. I can't tolerate a lot of foods, for some reason. I don't know if the stress has brought out the gallbladder symptoms again, but rich foods are completely off the radar right now. Soup is a stretch, although I've had some chicken soup this week. I've eaten out, but it has mostly been chicken sandwiches.

I know this is a really boring blog, and you're tired of my chicken, bread, fruit, wine (whine) routine, but that's the way it is right now. I'm beginning to feel better in other ways. I'm taking pictures again, which is marvellous and I am really excited about the revitalization of my creative juices, but the appetite has just not come back. For someone who loves her food, this is somewhat disquieting, and I am afraid of the effect it is having on my health, as my diet is ridiculously unbalanced, but losing weight might outweigh that. Anyway I have given up worrying about it. I'm going to try and eat more fruit tomorrow and leave it at that.

Renewal

2010-03-25T00:35:00.000-05:00

So, today I was stuck at home, apart from a short walk to the Piggly Wiggly, which was, I hate to admit, to buy a Vitamin Water and a pack of Camel Crush. The weather outside was beautiful, and I spent much of it sunning myself outside on my front porch, in between bouts of coordinating recommendation letters, CV, and cleaning and laundry.

I spent much of the day on the phone, to people who I talk to often, and to some people I don't. I had a long long talk today with an ex-boyfriend and once great love, who knows me well enough and has been through enough with me and since me to give me an excellent perspective on my current situation. It's good to hear from someone who has been in a relationship with you and loved you how you will recover and what you deserve in life. I can't quite articulate what makes that different from talking to just friends, but it's something about the shared intimacy and knowledge of how you are within that particular realm of relationships that no one else really has. He told me some things about myself that others haven't really picked up on and I am grateful for his bluntness (which has been at times a double-edged sword).

A very good friendship of mine has suffered a mutual neglect on behalf of both parties since her move up north, but today we talked like friends who haven't skipped a beat. It was good to hear a familiar, yet missed voice, especially one so feisty and sunny. I know she too is going through difficulties, so it was good to talk, rant, and catch up.

Tonight I was talking to my pseudo-sister, who doesn't read my blog, but that's not really her bag exactly. We talk all the time, and she is going through a heart-wrenching separation because her boyfriend has gone to South America to make money. She feels as though money is the mistress, and she has been abandoned for its siren call. I feel like crap, and I'm struggling to deal with what happened, so it is good to talk to others and hear what they are going through.

I haven't written the particulars of what happened after the breakup. I didn't really get an explanation apart from "we don't work as a couple," which to me seems like a lame cop-out excuse, almost like the famous post-it note breakup from Sex and the City. I guess he chose to deliver that verbal post-it note in person and that makes him feel better about himself - nothing like getting dumped in your own living room. It's a cop out because we did work, on many many levels, but I'm not going to get into that. He also apparently didn't take it lightly.

Flash forward. Three days later: I am devastated, driving home from my parents' house, where I had just collapsed in a crying fit on their kitchen floor; I'm smoking in the car, which I don't normally do,and remembering I had told my friend I would go out with her that night. Every bone in my body wanted not to, to just go home, get under the covers and make it all go away. But, I called her back, still crying and still a mess. She said, "oh honey, he's not worth it." "Yes, yes he is," I said. She then revealed to me that on the dating website she had recently joined, he had come up the day before as her top match. Two days. I drank a Guinness that night at an Irish bar, and it slowly sank into my body, my body that hadn't eaten for close to three days. It's taken a little longer for reality to start to sink in.

I don't want to date anyone. The thought makes me feel ill, but I have a friend who says that in times like this, you should do something that makes you feel uncomfortable every day. I had a profile on the aforementioned dating website, and going on there to see for my own eyes meant reactivating it, and once I did, I couldn't deactivate it for a week. Well today I got sick of seeing him come up as a match for me, especially since I've tried to hide him and it doesn't take, so I decided to try searching another site, just to see if it was the same set of dufusses (sp?) on there, and sure enough, up he comes again. I got angry because it said he was active during the last 30 days, which could mean after, or perhaps before we broke up.I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but you know, I did that for a couple of months and I'm a little tired of that approach.

So those of you who know me know I have this weirdo mystical astrology loving, tarot card reading side. I was angry and emotional and decided to do a reading, just out of anger and a need for some clarity, whether imagined or real. Sometimes you just need a touchstone.

Here's what it said. We're going with traditional Celtic Cross reading, which if you're curious, you can find an explanation of the layout here.

My card: 4 of wands - marriage, party, celebration of things well done
Crossing: Wheel of Fortune - letting the world turn, achieving balance between love and hate
Subconscious: The Star - a time of healing and hope, things will start to go right
Conscious: The 2 of Cups - love, union - the Romeo and Juliet card
Recent Past: Queen of Wands - getting what you want, finding your true nature (I am a redheaded Aries, so this is my card)
Near Future: Ten of Pentacles - the good life, financial security and a sense of happy well-being
Present Situation: King of Pentacles - man involved with money, steady, fastidious, or acting that way
Surrounding: Magician - someone using power, good or evil, getting in tune with your own powers, can mean trickery and secrets
Hopes and Fears: Judgement - change and renewal, reaping the seeds of your actions, a resurrection of sorts
Outcome: The Tower - sudden and forced change, something will happen to force me out of stagnation, usually it will cause chaos and trauma, but it is usually for the best, the stripping down of old and outworn structures.

I do readings fairly often, and I regularly do them for other people, but I did this one is such a state of emotion and I was really passionate about it, that it came out as feeling somehow profound and right and I should pay attention, plus the cards I got seemed right and seemed to be telling me something. They are all very powerful, not messing around cards. The Tower card is seen as the most frightening card in the deck, but I am relieved to get it because I feel in such a state of stagnation, on such a mental merry-go-round, that I really need something to force some change in my life.

Now, when that happens, remind me I said that.

Well, goodnight, I must go to bed because I have to get up in five and a half hours, even though these days I am almost never tired enough.

Off to Work We Go

2010-03-24T21:09:00.000-05:00

I talked to a friend I haven't talked to in way too long today. She knows who she is, and she's a reader, so here's a shout out to you. It was good for my soul.

I've been cleaning the house all day, and I should have done more than I did, but the important thing is that the laundry is done, I have clean clothes for tomorrow, and fresh sheets. Fresh sheets were needed for my emotional house-cleaning as well as for general hygiene.

I'm still not eating. I tried today and managed a vitamin water, a ciabatta roll, and half a bowl of soup, plus several cups of tea, some decaf as the day wore on. I've been stuck here all day, except for my little walk to the Piggly Wiggly (yes we still have one of those out here). I'm not too worried about the eating though, because I don't feel ill or weak like I did last week, and I'm trying to make sure I get some protein and some fruit to go along with the bread. I'm being pretty balanced even if I'm not eating much. I plan to try and eat some fruit before I go to bed.

I think I've just got used to not eating anything, so my stomach has shrunk and I just can't eat anything much, which is not altogether a bad thing as I think I've lost about 12 pounds in the past two weeks. I had no idea what I weighed before and I don't have a clue now either.

I'm planning to take lunch to work tomorrow. I've been taking it and not eating it, but I intend to at least try tomorrow. Anyway, I'm rambling and need to go to bed.

The Past Year

2010-03-24T01:16:00.000-05:00

Much has happened in the past year. My healthy eating apparently came as a shock to my poor body, whose gallbladder decided to rebel and create gallstones and a horrible infection. Surgery and no gallbladder later, I felt much better. For a while after surgery, I couldn't eat normally and had to reduce my fat intake quite considerably, but after a while, my body got used to it, and I returned to bad habits of eating, although I was never quite as bad as the period before I originally started writing this blog.

Over the past couple of months, I started watching what I ate again, and I was walking all the time in a genuine effort to become more healthy. However, events of the last couple of weeks have upset my eating routine all over again.

It seems that when I am upset, the first part of my body to notice and react is my stomach. My stomach is miles ahead of my head and my heart, and shuts down immediately. I was very suddenly and cruelly broken up with by a man whom I had truly fallen in love with, and my stomach knew the truth first.

It's been two weeks, and I still can't really eat. Everything tastes like cardboard, except for chicken (specifically grilled chicken) and bread. I can tolerate fruit o.k. when I think about it. I've drank gallons of tea, some wine (you'll be shocked to know) and the odd Guinness here and there, but the number of calories I'm actually remembering to ingest has drastically diminished.

I'm starting to feel a little better, not because I'm really any more at peace with what happened, but because I am the sort of person who really can't put up with herself feeling rotten for too long, but my appetite has not returned, and the thought of most foods turns my stomach. I smell things, and they smell good, but then I think about eating them and feel nauseous. I am sure this will go away eventually.

I hate to say it, but it's making me look hot. I've lost a bunch of weight in the past couple of weeks, and I'm not sorry about that part of it, but I'd really like to relish my food again.

Quotes from Persuasion

2010-03-23T23:30:00.000-05:00

You can always trust Jane Austin to say it so succinctly. Here are some quotes from her last and darkest novel, Persuasion, from its sensible and quiet heroine, Ann Elliott:

"Once there were no two hearts so open, no feelings so in harmony, but now we are strangers, worse than strangers; it is perpetual estrangement."

"The one claim I shall make for my own sex is that we love longest, when all hope is gone"

"Time is a great healer, or so at least I am told."

Feeling Good

2010-03-23T16:50:00.000-05:00

The job search is proving fruitful. I have two recommendation letters in hand, and promises of at least three more, so I am sitting in good shape. It feels good to have accomplished something today. And to those of you who said I burnt my bridges, I say, my bridges are in very good operational state, thank you very much, and the flow of traffic is steady. That's bitchy, but I just have to get it out there. The two recommendations I have so far are probably more glowing than I think I deserve, and I am grateful to my former professors for helping me out so quickly. Two of the jobs were just posted the other day and have a deadline of March 31st, so it doesn't give me much time to get it all together, considering getting recommendations is usually like herding cats, and went disastrously the last time I attempted it. However I have asked many more people than I need, so I should have the basics covered.

Still can't eat anything, but I think today that's because I am excited about the prospect of finding a new job. I should perhaps think about doing that soon before I make myself sick from too much tea drinking.

Better Day

2010-03-22T23:55:00.000-05:00

Today was a little better. I'm getting there, although tonight I'm exhausted and ready to go to bed. Friends said I looked more like myself again, like the spark is coming back, and it is, bit by bit. Same story tonight though with the food - came home, ate chicken, now I feel sick. I'm sure that will change eventually and I will enjoy food again.

I'm sure I must have to go through this for a reason, that there is a meaning to finding such happiness and losing it inexplicably and suddenly. What that meaning is, right now, I don't have a clue, but I have to believe it leads to better things. I have to believe that. If I don't, I will just cry, and I don't want any more of that going on tonight.

Thank God for Pandora. I can't listen to anything on my itunes. I can't even look at itunes right now, so Pandora is the only thing that I don't have to think about, but will play (mostly) music that is just pure me, and that is what I need right now. I have to be thankful for the little things: Pandora, cat curled up on feet, two confirmed recommendation letters, and hopefully more to come, a job well done today, and more to do tomorrow, good friends and family who are working diligently to stitch me back up again.

Tomorrow is laundry and cleaning the hell out of the house. I think it will do me good. I can't go anywhere because I don't have a car, so I have to stay here and get things done, but at least I don't have to go to work.

On another note, maybe things are going right in the world because healthcare reform passed today. I'm glad. I hope it will save some lives, and soon. Working in healthcare has clued me in even more to the sad realization of the price arbitrarily put on people's health, well-being, and even lives. It really does sicken me and I hope to be out of it soon. I can go to bed happy about that.

Bad day

2010-03-21T21:41:00.000-05:00

Apparently that's what I get when I get near a computer and still have the ability to type drunk. Today has been a pretty awful day. Nothing bad has happened, but I have been in a rotten, inconsolable mood all day. I've tried to dispel it with no success. I need something else to focus on, but I don't have anything. I lie - I can distract myself by applying for jobs there's actually a good chance I can get, and I think that will be my focus tomorrow. Today is just a wash. I basically came home, ate chicken, and cried. I was actually hungry - that's happened occasionally during the past two weeks - but I'm not eating habitually, so when I do, it makes me feel nauseous, and my stomach is not the most sane of creatures at the best of times. However, my skinnier jeans fit, quite well now, and I guess I'm on my way to the much skinnier 2006 jeans, which I have of course, kept. Peeking silver lining.

My car is still dead too, so I have a week or so of essentially being stranded at my house, which is good for the cat, but terrible for me. Well maybe not. I've tried to go out this week and distract myself. I went to Flying Saucer's trivia night, and I even ventured out for a Guinness on St. Patrick's, although that was a mistake because I just had a rotten time.

Tomorrow night's plan of action is to ask for recommendation letters for three jobs I'm applying for, fill out the applications, and sort out my CV so it looks as good as the resume I did last week. I'm quite proud of my resume now. On Tuesday, it looks like I will be stuck here, so I plan to clean the house, listen to music loudly, and sort out my head. I was supposed to have an appointment with the head of graduate studies, but I have to postpone because I have no way to get out there. I guess I just have to listen to my mother and place distractions in my head, even if it doesn't seem like they will actually distract me. At least they will fill the time and prevent my mind from racing around in circles.

Anyway, I'll quit moaning, take some IB Profen PM, knock myself out, and get up and go to work tomorrow. One foot in front of the other. I think about What About Bob: "baby steps to the car."

2010-03-20T23:40:00.000-05:00

It's been a year since I've posted on this blog. Am I resurrecting something that's already dead? If so, perhaps that's a theme in my life. Perhaps I am an emotional Frankenstein's monster. You knew it was the monster and not Frankenstein himself, right?

Well that's what you get when you can drink a litre bottle of Gruner Vetleiner and still be conscious. I have to work tomorrow too.

This used to be my Myspace blog. Do you remember Myspace? I remember that it was what the Facebook is now. I wonder what the new Facebook will be. In truth, I'm really sick of it all right now, but I need an outlet to write something, as my friends either are, or soon will be, sick of dealing with me.

I just went through a break-up, and to use cricket terminology, it's knocked me for six. Considering the large amount of wine I have drank and the food I haven't eaten for the past two weeks, I don't want to get into it. I could, but anyone who cares is tired of hearing about it, perhaps even me. I just need to listen to more Snow Patrol, smoke more cigarettes I shouldn't, drink some more Guinness, and eat more chicken and bread, which are the only things that don't taste like cardboard right now. I'm writing this to try to make sense of the whole thing, but even in a drunken state, it doesn't seem like a worthy endevour.

I should just go to bed and go to sleep. I have to get up and work a pointless job tomorrow, so I should be responsible against the odds. Last week I took two days off for a stomach virus. I think I had one, but it could have just been heartache, as I still feel the same and I can't eat. My friends are trying to feed me and I am not interested.

Food (b)Log

2009-05-15T00:01:00.002-05:00

Ok, here's today's foods:

A McDonald's Mocha. Probably a hundred million calories. Nonfat.

Mexican food for lunch. I tried to be as healthy as possible: rice, beans and guacamole (just a little)

Dinner: whole wheat pasta with vegetables. There was a little olive oil. That's it really.

I had 3 beers too.

That's about it for the day.

Busy Life

2009-05-13T16:46:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry I've been so remiss about posting lately. I'm trying to hold down a couple or three jobs, sell a house and not go crazy in the mix, so it's been difficult to find time and energy to write, to cook, and to eat well.

I am still trying though. This weekend I wore a dress that hasn't fit for two years. Yea! It's cute and retro and I bought it at a hip flea market in the East Village in New York about five years ago. I am glad I can fit my fat ass into a dress at last. Cheers for small victories.

The money situation is getting so desperate, it's difficult to go out and buy fresh produce when I want and need it, so a lot of times, these days, meals are a hodge podge of what I have left because I need to reduce the number of trips to the grocery store. I only go when I've ran out of nearly everything and then I don't go again until I run out again.

Here's a breakdown of the past couple of days though:

Yesterday, I had a veggie sandwich from Quiznos, courtesy of Hillary, with an unsweet tea. For dinner, I made baked cod with a little olive oil and seasoning with baked veggies (eggplant, tomatoes, mushrooms) and baked purple sweet potato. It was pretty yummy. Not so bad except for the two glasses of wine and three beers I had during and afterwards. I'm working on that though. I'll try not to tonight.

So far today I've had a veggie Italian sausage hotdog with homemade coleslaw and mustard, a handful of pecans and chocolate chips, and an orange. I'll keep you posted on later.

I kind of overdid it on the fish tacos this weekend, but at least I had the grilled ones and not the fried :-)

Where you been B?

2009-05-12T19:28:00.000-05:00

Um so, haven't seen a food journal in forever.
Wassup with that?

Food Blog Revisited

2009-04-23T22:18:00.002-05:00

Ok, here's my totally honest, if not all that great food blog for today.

2 slices TJ's rye bread: 120 calories
1 tsp. butter

1 salmon burger (170 calories)
2 slices TJ's rye bread (120 calories)
Assorted veggies
1 tsp mayonnaise

Small House Salad at Jim and Nick's BBQ with honey mustard on the side (not the creamy mayonnaise kind, more of a vinegarette)

3 little cheddar biscuits at Jim and Nick's.

Here's the bad bit: 5 beers. I know. This was bad. But, hey, at least I'm writing it down, right?

Come On, Take a Joke!

2009-04-23T12:56:00.002-05:00

The Challenges of Living in a Museum

2009-04-23T12:11:00.003-05:00

Eating well is challenging for me at the moment. My budget does not allow me to eat out, especially because restaurants that serve healthy food tend to be expensive, so I have to eat in most of the time. As I may have mentioned earlier, I am in the process of selling my house. This means that the house has to look as if nobody lives in it, including the one person and two cats who do. So how exactly is a person supposed to cook meals every night and leave the kitchen looking and smelling like it is a showroom?

I'm having a lot of problems with this. I find I don't want to cook at all, so I've been eating more salads and sandwiches because I just can't deal with messing up the kitchen and bringing it back to perfect every single time I want to eat. I think this has had an effect on my eating habits and I will relish the day my house sells and I can go back to cooking and not worrying so much about what the kitchen looks like or worrying about eating eggs or salmon because they'll stink the house up!

The agents who want to show the house sometimes don't give me a lot of notice, so the house has to be ready to show at any moment, which sucks if I'm in the middle of making myself a yummy, yet many pot using, messy meal.

Life happens, and although diet books and plans will spell out what you're supposed to do, there always seems to be something getting in the way of that idyllic plan of cooking healthy, gourmet meals every night.

If anyone has any ideas for healthy things to eat that don't require a lot of clean-up or even cheap, healthy eating-out options, please let me know because this is driving me crazy.

Complacency

2009-04-23T09:44:00.002-05:00

This blog post is a direct response to Ms. RD's last one. I agree with everything she says, but I think there's also a dirty little secret that dieters don't admit to their dietitians: they get complacent. I can feel it happening to me and I am going to have to kick my bottom back into shape.

At the beginning of the weight loss journey, we measure everything and write everything down. Then as we get used to what we are eating, we stop doing that. It becomes more clockwork and natural. That's good, right? Lifestyle change and all that. It is good in a way, but you have to go back to measuring and writing down and general accountability every so often because otherwise the portion sizes start getting bigger and before you know it, you're using tablespoons of olive oil instead of teaspoons and drinking 16oz of juice instead of 8 and slowly the pounds stop coming off.

You rationalize it. You say, "I changed my lifestyle like they told me to and it's just not working. I could have told them it wouldn't work for me. I'm just doomed to be fat." But at the same time, we know inside we just don't want to do the work and we want to make excuses instead. I've done all of this, so I know that other people do it too. It's hard to reign yourself in and make yourself accountable and I am going through this right now. This week I am starting the food journal again, so you, my readers, can keep me on the right track. I promise to be honest about what I eat and drink and as a result, I hope the pounds will keep coming off.

Hitting the Wall

2009-04-20T17:57:00.002-05:00

An issue I hear not infrequently in those trying to lose weight is this: Initially weight loss is quite rapid and regular, then little to no further weight loss comes despite keeping up the good eating habits that lead to the weight loss to begin with. How completely frustrating right!?
The reason this happens is that your body has kind of adapted to your new lifestyle, your metabolism isn't in shock anymore and your body can maintain itself with less calories coming in. Therefore, weight loss slows... major bummer.
So what to do? Now is the time to change things up. I wouldn't suggest a lower calorie level at this time. The secret weapon is doing some different exercises that works your body in ways it hasn't become accustomed to yet. For instance, if you've just been eating better, start some power walking too. If you've already started walking, try some jazz dancing, pilates, kickboxing, or something that makes your body work in new ways. Get that body thinking again, and you can press through that brick wall that often comes with well-intentioned weight loss effforts :)

Chocolate Cravings

2009-04-07T20:56:00.004-05:00

As our regular readers may already know, I gave up alcohol for Lent, which has mostly gone well other than that I held the rather naive opinion that simply x-ing out alcohol from my life for a few weeks would magically turn me into a fabulously motivated person who gets up at 5 a.m. to run miles every day while munching on carrot sticks. Guess what? It didn't happen.

I thought this magical transformation would lead to some sort of spiritual and physical epiphany and I would experience some sort of cleansing of body and soul. Yeah right.

What really happened? I didn't drink, but I missed my wine. I didn't get anything more done and I still procrastinated as much as I always do. I went to bed later. I got up at the same time (i.e. when I needed to get up). I exercised less, amazingly enough. All in all the experiment was lacking the great chunk of meaning I was supposed to get from it.

I've also craved chocolate like mad and eaten more of it instead of drinking wine. I guess a person just needs to allow for a certain amount of vice and it's going to come out somewhere. I won't fight it in future. I'll take Ms. RD's advice and just allow for it. And next year, I'll find something else to give up, like unrealistic expectations, for example.

It's the Power of ... Food

2009-04-06T23:34:00.004-05:00

Something Ms. RD said in a recent post got me thinking, as her comments often do. I recently read a book called Death by Supermarket, which basically said that regular grocery store processed food is poison. There have been numerous books written on this subject, most of which I have perused over the years. The most recent, which I have yet to read, is called Swindled, and it compares the poisonous ingredients in food in Upton Sinclair's (The author of The Jungle) time to now and makes the point that we think that our food is safer now because of our "modern" technology; however, that technology might actually make our food more dangerous.

I digress, but the author of Death by Supermarket insists that we eat poisonous food, then take drugs to "fix" the harm we are causing to our bodies because we deny them fresh and unadulterated, chemical free food.

This leads me back to Ms. RD's comment about her dad's management of his diabetes: "[He] chooses to think that as long as he takes his pills he'll be fine." I know other diabetics in my family who are exactly the same - they eat a piece of chocolate cake and then complain because they have high blood sugar the next day, like that should come as a surprise.

Being overweight puts you at risk for so many health problems, even if you're otherwise healthy and active. I guess the point I am slowly arriving at is that if you lose weight, you don't have to take pills. You can control many health issues by simply changing your eating habits.

I got scared a couple of weeks ago. Now I am wary of eating too much fat. The scare was good for me and now I have another reason, other than vanity, to watch what I eat. I'm scared of an early grave. I'm scared of illness. I'm even scared of being reliant on medication. I'll stick with food and I'll eat good stuff.

Paella Pan - Worth the Investment

2009-04-02T21:27:00.003-05:00

I love my paella pan. It might sound like a strange extraneous piece of kitchen equipment, but believe me, it's worth the money. I use mine all the time. Occasionally, I even make paella in it!

Because I usually cook for one, I tend to use this pan to make all-in-one dishes like fish, vegetables and perhaps polenta. A paella pan is perfect for this because you can cook it all together and only dirty one, if rather large, pan. It also has a lid, which makes it perfect for sauteing and for making dishes with sauces.

The other night, I actually used it for its intended purpose: paella. If you've never made paella, you should. It's really easy and if you make it and you control what's in it, it can also be healthy.

I threw this together the other night because I was hungry, didn't have a lot of ingredients, or patience, and it came out great. There's no exact rules for paella, but here are some basic guidelines:

I used the Seafood Medley from Trader Joe's. It has shrimp, calamari, and bay scallops. You can use any shellfish or other fish too. Mussels are cool because they make it look pretty, but I didn't have any on hand.

Just saute the shellfish from frozen (if necessary) in a spray of olive oil. At the same time, add about 3 cloves of garlic and 1/2 to a whole onion (depending on preference). Next, and this is so easy, it should be illegal: dump in a large can of diced tomatoes (the big fat can) with the juice and everything. Then dump in 1/2 cup uncooked brown medium-grain rice (long-grain won't work). Add about 1/2 to 3/4 cup wine or cooking wine or broth (I like using wine) but you could just use water. This isn't strictly necessary, but I wouldn't make a paella without it: add a sprinkling of saffron. It gives a rich color and an aromatic taste that is unmistakably paella. Without this, I think, it's just another rice dish (although probably a reasonably tasty one). Now you can add any vegetables you like. I added some frozen artichokes and a yellow pepper, but experiment away. Pop the lid on the pan, turn it down to medium and let it simmer away for about 30 minutes or until the liquid has evaporated and the rice is cooked. You do want to check for burning (and add more liquid if necessary) but you don't want to stir it too much because a good paella has a crust on the bottom where the rice has almost stuck to the pan.

This is a great dish to impress your friends with. You don't have to tell them how easy it is. Just act like you've been slaving over it all day and add some fresh chopped parsley to it a few minutes before you take it off the stove. You also don't have to tell them it's good for them.

Mixed Berry Fool to Foolya

2009-03-27T22:32:00.003-05:00

This dessert is so good, even the cat wants some! Well this particular cat will eat anything, but that doesn't detract from the deliciousness of the above creation.

"Fools" are usually a messy dessert made with a combination of whipped cream, fruit puree and sometimes whole fruit. While I do love whipped cream, I am swearing off such indulgences lest I have to return to the hospital, so I decided to make this fancy dessert using frozen mixed berries and Greek strained yogurt (2%). I am not a huge fan, as you probably know already, of low-fat dairy, but honestly, with FAGE Greek Strained Yogurt, I cannot tell. It's fabulously creamy and indulgent. The whole pot yields only 130 calories. So far, I've had a dollop in soup and a couple of spoons in the above dessert.

Instructions:

Puree about 1 cup berries (frozen are fine). Pour some of the puree into the bottom of the glass. I like to use a cocktail glass just to make it all fancy and make me feel special. Then mix remaining puree with a couple of generous spoons of the Greek yogurt. Then mix in the whole berries (I used about 1/2 cup or so). Pour the mixture on top of the puree and top with a couple of whole berries for decoration. You could get really fancy and garnish with a mint sprig!

Oh and if you don't have time to puree the berries, don't worry about it. Simply microwave the berries on defrost (watch they don't get too warm) and mix with the yogurt and serve. It's just about as good and much less effort.

No, Don't Touch That!

2009-03-27T22:24:00.001-05:00

You gotta love The Onion: "Woman Upset at Herself for Feeling Hungry."

Cauliflower and Tarragon Soup Recipe

2009-03-26T15:31:00.004-05:00

I've had a cauliflower sitting in my fridge for a while now, so as I am cooped up at home and not allowed to work today, I figured I might as well try and do something with it. I mentioned making a cauliflower soup to some people a couple of weeks ago and got scrunched up "ew" faces, so I felt it might be a challenge. However I did some searching on FoodTV.com (see link at side) and found a couple of basic recipes, so I didn't feel it was such a weird idea after all, and which of course, I adapted to the ingredients I had on hand

As with most of my recipes I post here, this is just a basic guide. Please feel free to "pantry cook" or improvise based on what you have at home.

You'll need:

1 head of cauliflower
3 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
1 yellow onion, roughly chopped
3/4 cup or so of white wine, or white cooking wine
dried or fresh tarragon, to taste
olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

Boil a pan of water and drop in the florets of cauliflower. Add a little pinch of salt and boil for about 10 minutes or until the cauliflower is just tender. Don't overcook. Then drain the cauliflower while reserving the liquid!

Meanwhile, saute the chopped garlic and onions in a little olive oil. As they start to cook, add the cooking wine and continue to cook until the garlic and onions are tender. You don't have to cook all of the liquid out.

Pour the garlic and onions into the saucepan you used to boil the cauliflower. Then add the cauliflower and the reserved liquid (enough to cover the contents). Add some tarragon. Just sprinkle it on according to your own discretion. I found a couple of sprinkles was adequate (it will depend on the age of your dried spices, or if you are using fresh, as to how much you'll need). Add a little salt here, and you might even add a couple more splashes of wine. (Keep in mind that if you are using cooking wine, there is salt added to it, so you will need to use less salt accordingly. When making soups, it is best to taste less salt than more, so go easy.) Bring soup to the boil and then simmer uncovered at a medium/low temperature for about 10 minutes.

If you have an immersion blender (I highly recommend getting one if you want to make a lot of soups: you can pick one up for less than $30), then dip your blender in the saucepan and blend until soup is smooth with no lumps. If you are using a regular blender, then tip soup into it in batches and blend until smooth.

I simply went with what I had to make this soup, but I think only the garlic, cauliflower and onion were necessary, but you could subsitite leeks, shallots, or other unusual members of the onion family for yellow onions. You could choose to use vegetable stock or Vermouth instead of the wine, and a number of herbs and spices other than tarragon would work too. I would suggest parsley, sage, or thyme. I saw some recipes that incorporated parmesan cheese and potatoes. If you search the cooking links to the right of this blog, you'll no doubt find lots of inspiration.

I have made this early, but I have some ideas for dressing it up for a light dinner tonight:

I have some Greek yogurt that I may dollop on the top. I also have some herbed goat cheese that I may put in the middle of a shallow bowl and pour the soup around. I anticipate that I will attempt to make rye-bread croutons (baked, not fried) to accompany the soup. I am leaning towards a combination of goat cheese and almonds to add a little fat and creaminess to my soup. I'll post pictures later.

Remember from an earlier post what Ms. RD said about cauliflower. It has a TON of vitamin C, and a lot less calories than orange juice.

(P.S. - a picture has been added as promised)

The Warning From On High Hath Been Heeded

2009-03-26T14:58:00.004-05:00

Yesterday morning I found myself in the emergency room. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning feeling awful. I couldn't quite describe it at first: a vague nausea, slight stomach pain, thirst, but I just thought my stomach was a bit off. I got up for a glass of water and went back to bed.

Then I started to feel worse. My stomach started churning. I thought it was the Indian food I had eaten for dinner upsetting my stomach. I ate a packet of Rolaids. That was when it got interesting. My stomach started growling and rolling and at about 5 a.m. I began a series of throwing-up sessions. I still thought it must be the Indian food and continued to think I'd feel better once it was all out of my system.

With all the food gone, I then started to feel really bad. I laid in bed writhing from the stomach pains. I kept getting up, pacing around the house, trying to throw up, and going back to bed to continue writhing and screaming. I felt so alone in the house all by myself.

I made it until about 6:45, when I called my parents for help. I was crying and screaming on the phone. I'm not a big fan of the doctor even, but when my mother suggested the ER, I didn't argue.

We arrived at the ER at about 8 a.m. The nurses gave me an IV with anti-nausea medicine, strong painkillers and fluids. They took blood and began a barrage of tests. They thought it was a stomach virus or food poisoning.

The tests all came back negative, so that ruled out the viruses and food poisoning diagnoses. The doctor then ordered an x-ray. Somewhere during all of this, I vomited Exorcist-like neon green bile. The doctor couldn't find a definite cause for the pain and vomiting, but hypothesized that my diet of rich foods over the weekend, combined with the Indian food could have triggered something in my gall-bladder. He wants to refer me to a gastro-specialist to do an ultrasound. Once again, I'm not going to argue. I don't want to go through that pain again. He told me to stay away from rich foods for the time-being, so I'm heeding his warning, staying away from large amounts of saturated fats, meats, and spicy food.

Since returning home yesterday afternoon, I've felt fine, and I resume my healthy eating regime. I now have yet another reason not to stuff my face with unhealthy food!

Baaaad Weekend

2009-03-22T22:48:00.002-05:00

Imperfection from me once again, I'm afraid. This weekend, I've been focused on getting my house on the market and have worked morning 'til night Friday, Saturday and Sunday getting ready for my open house today. I haven't had too much time or opportunity to cook. My kitchen has been a mess. I've had my parents over, who won't eat "rabbit food," drink tea ALL the time and are pretty driven individuals, so it's been hard to take a break to make food or snack.

My mother and I have managed this quite well over the past month or so that we've been working on the house and we've mostly made healthy choices and meals, but the past couple of days have been really down to the wire. Yesterday, I ordered pizza for the parents. Today I made fruit tea and cookies for the open house (I ate a couple of cookies!) and when it was over, my mother and I went to Logan's for dinner. I wasn't too well behaved there either. I ordered a good meal: petite steak vegetables and rice, but I did eat two rolls before dinner arrived.

Tomorrow, life returns to routine more, so I am getting up and going running in the morning before I go to my 1st job. No excuses from me now. I am penitent and determined to do better this week.

Children Are Starving in Africa

2009-03-19T23:15:00.003-05:00

A comment Ms. RD made about "The Clean Plate Club" in an earlier post got me thinking: how many of us were told to finish everything on our plates as kids?

Last semester, in the Freshman English class I taught, we watched Supersize Me, Morgan Spurlock's documentary about his experience eating McDonald's for three meals a day, for thirty days. One of the topics we discussed involved where our attitudes towards food come from. We decided that while parents do have a lot of influence over the food choices their kids make (especially younger kids), older kids and teens are often influenced by their peers, teachers and school staff, the families of their friends, and advertising.

As a child, my mother would let me munch on raw vegetables as she chopped them for dinner. My grandma would always complain that I wouldn't eat any vegetables when it got to dinnertime. My mum would say, "so what, she's getting the vegetables either way, and they're probably better for her raw!" My parents didn't make me eat everything on my plate, but they did make it clear that if I didn't eat what was there, then I didn't get to pick anything else instead. Either eat what everyone else is eating, or have nothing. I didn't get the "Clean Plate Club" attitude at home.

However, this message did sink into my pysche somehow. One courier of the message was Catholic school. I wasn't a picky eater, but the dinner ladies could be pretty mean about making you eat everything on your plate, even if you didn't like it. One day, an older boy, a "server" at our table, made me eat liver (which I hate) and then blancmange (which if you have never heard of, is this vile wobbly pudding with a skin on top). I proceeded to puke all over his shoes. They never made me eat anything I didn't like again.

I did hear this message also perhaps from my grandma, who now wouldn't dream of saying such things, but did when I was younger, and I know I heard the "children are starving in Africa" line from various adults. I remember learning how far away Africa was and trying to make the connection between the leftover brussel sprouts on my plate and the children Bob Geldoff sang about. I could go ahead and leave the brussel sprouts and give them to the starving children, but wouldn't my brussel sprouts be both cold and moldy by the time they flew them to Africa? Or, I could eat them, but if I ate them, how did that help the starving children? They didn't get the brussel sprouts either way. This mode of thinking doesn't teach children healthy eating habits or social and global responsibility. It just, rightly, confuses them.

Mild Food Porn

2009-03-17T22:04:00.003-05:00

Out of nowhere today, I got a craving for a cold Asian noodle salad. I don't even know where I've had anything like this dish before, or if I have, but I was thinking about it all the way home before lunch today and decided that I did have most of the ingredients at home to make it. The "recipe" below is more of a general guideline, as there are several things you could add to this or substitute and still get similar results taste-wise. Just adjust as you need to for taste. I did measure, but your preferences may be different to mine. This makes enough for about 3 servings.

6 oz whole wheat spaghetti (or you could get fancy and use Japanese buckwheat noodles, but it's not necessary)
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp sesame oil
2 tbsp rice vinegar
2 tbsp soy sauce
1-2 cucumbers sliced into long pieces
1 red, yellow, or orange pepper diced
2 green onions
sprinkling of sesame seeds
about a handful chopped cilantro
about 1 inch cube of fresh ginger, grated into dish
sprinkling slivered almonds
1 serving pre-baked tofu - I used teriyaki flavor cut into small chunks.
garnish with lime if desired.

Just boil the noodles until al dente. Drain and rinse with cold water. Combine noodles with all the other ingredients and enjoy. This really is a yummy recipe and it could be made the night before for easy transportation to work or as a side dish for a party.

Some variations that might work:

crushed peanuts
mandarin oranges
beansprouts
thai basil
red cabbage
daikon radish
dried red chilis
snow peas

By the way, it was totally delicious and I will make it again, soon!

For dinner, I was equally adventurous. It must have been writ in the stars today. Here is the recipe for chickpea cutlets I keep seeing everywhere posted on the interwebs: Chickpea Cutlets. I also made multi-color chard sauteed with garlic and fresh lemon juice. The chickpea cutlets are delicious, almost like a giant falafel. Next time, I will bake them instead of pan fry because I think this will give them a firmer, more meaty feel. Even if you're a die-hard meat eater, try these because they're good and they have an interesting taste and texture. They remind me of these gravy-filled deep fried breaded meatball things (I don't really have a clue what exactly they were) I once had in The Netherlands.

To Meat or not to Meat

2009-03-17T01:25:00.002-05:00

My unhealthy weight requires me to lose weight. To do this, I don't need to give up meat, but early on in the process, I decided to give it up, for the time being. I'm not sure exactly why I made this decision and I'm trying to analyze my reasoning for it.

As I started to eat healthily, I found that most of the meat I like is fattening. I'm not a huge fan of chicken, unless it's breaded and fried - then it's really good - but there's really nothing about a boneless, skinless chicken breast that gets me culinarily excited. I also think that somewhere in my mind, boneless, skinless chicken breasts are synonymous with diet. I think it's those early-nineties super low-fat diets with their "zesty chicken" recipes. Dry chicken marinated in gloopy, chemical-laden non-fat Italian dressing. Seriously, this was enough to put a person off weight-loss efforts for life. My mother's weight loss efforts around this time centered on recipes like this. Yuck.

I also began to think that meat engenders other fattening ingredients. It just goes well with them. Perhaps this line of thinking was perpetuated by me reading The Hip Chick's Guide to Macrobiotics at the time, which I picked up from a used bookstore on a whim after a conversation with a friend about macrobiotics and what it entails. I was really confused by the practice until I read the book. I thought that macrobiotics don't eat meat or fish, and were some sort of really extreme vegans, but then I discovered this wasn't true. In trying to explain the practice to a friend recently, I said that all food is a balance. Macrobiotics believe that you should eat in balance and some foods, like meat, are extreme and require that you balance them out with food or drink from the other end of the spectrum, thus creating a balance, but one that can create mood swings and health problems. The dietary restrictions of macrobiotic eating come from the person's desire to eat foods from the middle of this spectrum, foods that don't create extreme physical reactions within the body. Therefore, macrobiotics usually eschew meat, dairy, some "extreme" vegetables, and hard liquor. They do eat lots of whole grains, fermented foods, some fish, beer, pickles, vegetables, and beans. All of these foods, in theory, do not tax the body and keep the body and mind on an even keel.

After reading this, I decided I probably couldn't go, as Jessica Porter puts it, "whole hog," but I could start to incorporate some elements of the good ideas in the book. I liked the author's approach. Her lack of pushiness and judgementalism helped me to keep an open mind about the practice. She suggests just cutting down on extreme foods like dairy and meat, and introducing more whole grains and seeing where that leads you. That's basically the approach I've taken. I'm trying little by little to eat more whole grains, fruits and vegetables and less stodgy foods (what she calls "sludge") like dairy and meat. I love dairy. I love it very much, and I don't see myself ever giving it up completely, but I'm using it now in moderation, as a carefully thought out addition to a meal, rather than a default.

The restriction of meat in my diet has led to more creativity. Even if you're eating fish, eventually you get sick of the whole fish, grain, vegetable plan for a meal, even if you vary the fish, grains and vegetables. This is how I've felt for the past week or so, so I'm now trying to explore other options, like tofu, tempeh, homemade meat substitutes, and also simply using more legumes in my cooking. Legumes have been severely looked over in my diet and I've recently allowed them to play catchup a little. Tomorrow I plan to make a recipe for chickpea cutlets with wilted chard and a bean and corn salad. This is going out on an extreme culinary limb for me, so we'll see how it works out.

I also plan to make hummus this week and come up with creative ways to use tempeh and tofu in sandwiches and salads. Wish me luck and inspiration!

Nutrition Month

2009-03-16T18:33:00.002-05:00

So March is National Nutrition Month, and honestly as a dietitian, it's a month I've always loathed because it means more lame projects at work for me. And I can't help but wonder...does anyone really give a damn that this is National Nutrition Month? I mean sure, it's great to spread good messages about health, but sometimes I feel like the general public is so overwhelmed with health and especially diet advice, that the good stuff just gets drowned out. Of all the patients in the hospital I've educated, about 90% of them know what they should be doing, they just aren't doing it! I feel like I'm wasting my breath sometimes.
What many people need is not a dietitian with a set of rules, but a personal motivator/psych expert. Not at all to say that those who struggle with eating need a shrink, but there is no denying that there is a strong emotional link to eating. This is one of the reasons that I like to add as part of a food journal the column of "what were you feeling/doing at the time" when it relates to meals/snacks. When I think about the emotional tie to eating, I often think of people with eating disorders. The typical eating disorder person is someone who feels like they lack control in their lives and they use food as the one thing that THEY can control alone. Although dietitians no doubt play a role in recovering from eating disorders, its more of a psychologists job than anyone.
Now for the non-anorexic/bulemics out there, the psychological link to eating is still a factor, but often for different reasons. Eating out of boredom is a big one. Eating out of habit, just like smoking when drinking. Eating during nightly TV shows. You've got to stop and ask yourself, "am I even really hungry?". So often when we find ourselves reaching for the not so great foods, the answer is no. If the answer is no, then you're eating out of emotion. I try to teach people to listen to their bodies. If you're hungry, eat! If not, don't! And by all means, screw the clean plate club. This is the worst idea ever, especially considering that restaurant portions are 3-4 times as big as they should be. I don't care how much food you feel you'd be wasting, if you're full, stop! And one other thing, in order to give your body time to send the "I'm full" message to your brain, you can't shovel in the food like it's a pie eating contest. Eat slower! Also, don't be distracted when you eat your meal; focus on your food. Don't watch TV, drive, etc while eating your meal. It takes your mind's focus off of how your stomach is feeling and turns it to whatever other activity you're doing.
OK, I'm done ranting for now :)

Vegetarian Sandwich Idea

2009-03-14T13:43:00.002-05:00

I have groceries again! Yippeeee! Inspiration has returned. Here's an idea for a yummy vegetarian sandwich:

This serves 2

4 slices Sprouted Rye Bread (60 cals per slice)
1 oz herbed goat cheese
flat leaved parsley
1/2 packet pre-baked tofu
1 cup arugula (how effete of me)
1/2 red pepper
sprinkling of walnuts

First, spray a baking sheet with olive oil. Slice tofu thinly and lay on sheet. Put the 1/2 pepper in the middle of the sheet, skin side up. Spray olive oil across all. Broil on high until one side of the tofu is golden. Turn the tofu, but keep the pepper the same side up until it starts to blister (that's what gives it that lovely roasted taste).

When the tofu and pepper are done, lay both on the bread. Top with 1/2 oz crumbled goat cheese, a sprinkling of walnuts, some parsley and the arugula. Spritz with olive oil if you need some wetness to keep the sandwich together.

Enjoy.

Thanks Alexandra

2009-03-13T22:39:00.002-05:00

My friend Alexandra, of the blog Sweet Tempered, attempted to leave this lovely comment and was unsuccessful, so she e-mailed me these wonderful helpful hints, which I thought I would pass on to you too:

Hey Claire! I'm loving your blog and get excited about new posts. For some reason (probably something with my computer) I'm not able to leave a comment although I try frequently. Anyhoo- way to go on losing a stone! Well done indeed:) In response to your latest post I thought as a fellow fresh foods approach eater and cook I would offer some of my favorite things for eating healthy on a budget. First off this lady inspires me all the time, and she has gorgeous cookbooks too (although, I feel like you probably already know about her)

www.101cookbooks.com

and some of my other favorites....

http://veganyumyum.com/

http://veganmenu.blogspot.com/

http://chocolateandzucchini.com/

Also, check out Mark Bittman and his blog on the NYtimes. http://bitten.blogs.nytimes.com/ He's a fucking genius.

Again, you probably already know about these, but if you don't they are great little sites of inspiration. Other things I suggest are:

Homemade soup: you can never go wrong with a big pot of veggies (especially hearty greens), veggie broth, beans and tons of ethnic spices. You can eat on it all week long and soup freezes wonderfully. A good chance to make homemade bread too for dipping:)

Homemade veggie burgers: all that rice and vegetable stuff you make? Make extra sometimes and with the leftovers (best with leftovers because it's more solid) form it into little patties and shallow fry them on the stove. Can throw it in the food processor for a more consistent texture, although I really like the big bits of veggies in the homemade patties. Add a poached egg on top and it's heaven. Kind if like bubbles and squeak?

Breakfast for dinner: Nothing says you can't make a pot of porridge with fresh fruit and a bit of maple syrup and call it dinner.

Try the asian aisle for things like soba and udon noodles toss with them with cabbage, soy sauce and chili garlic sauce....easy and yummy.

I could go on and on about this but I leave it at this. Hope this helps for inspiration. Keep up the great work!

More Minus!

2009-03-12T21:38:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to tell you: I'm a couple of pounds lighter! For all you anglophiles out there, that's almost a stone!

Groceries for Granted

2009-03-12T21:14:00.004-05:00

I'm probably, time allowing, going to go to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods to do my big grocery shop for the next couple of weeks tomorrow. I try to buy enough stuff to last for a couple of weeks, and I think it's been over two since I last shopped. The supplies are looking rather lean and have required some creativity on my part to fashion a varied group of grains, veggies and proteins into a somewhat edible, pleasing meal.

I find that I'm getting a little bored with my fish/grain/veggie combinations I've been making lately. I've fallen into a rut of cooking a piece of fish, usually sauteed, with some veggies and either rice, polenta, or quinoa. Although these are usually delicious, I am going to have to branch out a little this week to avoid getting bored with these fabulous foods.

I digress a little here, but what does it say about our society that I'm complaining about getting bored with my food, which is by no means cheaply made or produced? I could go on and ask what it says about our society that I'm even overweight? I could write another blog on that though because processed food has so skewed the perception that obese/overweight = wealthy. In fact, the poorer you are, the more likely you are to be obese or overweight because the more likely you are to buy cheap processed foods with harmful, fattening ingredients and chemicals, and the less likely you are to have access to inexpensive fresh vegetables. I can't find the link for you (I did try) but I read an article in the Nashville Scene perhaps a year ago about large poor urban areas of town that are not near any grocery stores and are not on direct bus routes, so the people who live there can mostly only shop at gas stations and fast food restaurants, unless they make a two hour bus trip or have a car, so most people living in these areas have no access to fresh foods.

I'm complaining right now about all the foods I've had to give up or limit. I'm complaining that I don't have a decent job and I don't have much money, and groceries are expensive. At least I have a car though and at least I can drive to the grocery store of my choice and buy, within reason and strict budget, enough healthy fresh food to last me for a couple of weeks. I should be grateful, right?

O.K., Lenten mental self-flagellation aside, I do run the risk of getting bored, so any suggestions of delicious recipes that don't take the fish/vegetable/grain format are very welcome. I am going to try a Gillian McKeith (of BBC America's You Are What You Eat) recipe for a vegetable "meat"loaf that looks delicious, but beyond that I just don't know. I don't want to run the risk of going to the grocery store tomorrow and buying all the same things and then getting them home and not wanting to eat them. Help!

Food (b)Log #12

2009-03-09T22:29:00.002-05:00

I still need to do these every once in a while, just so I can let Ms. RD know what I'm eating and she can check up on me and make sure I'm still doing everything right.

Breakfast:

1 small whole wheat roll with 1 tsp butter and 1 tsp jam.
Mandarin Orange

Lunch:

1 bowl of leftover spaghetti carbonara (made with minimal olive oil, 1 beaten egg, and about 1/2 tablespoon parmesan cheese per serving). I made the carbonara with vegetables instead of meat, so it contained onions, mushrooms, green beans, green onions and tomatoes too.

I pear

Dinner:

4 oz Mahi Mahi, sauteed
1 serving Polenta, also sauteed (there were about 3 slices)
1 tomato, sauteed
About 2 cups fresh spinach, wilted
About 1 tablespoon olive oil (I "misto"ed, but quite liberally as the polenta was sticking).

Dessert:

1 banana
1 tablespoon semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 tablespoon pecans

Things to do With a Banana

2009-03-09T22:02:00.003-05:00

First, get your mind out of the gutter! I am suggesting that you eat it. I bought some bananas a couple of weeks ago and I've kept them in the fridge, but they are starting to go brown and it's no fun to eat a banana that's gone all brown and slushy. So what can you do apart from throw them away or make fattening banana bread?

Well, I stole this idea from my Girl Scout days. Take the banana and slice into it vertically all the way down lengthwise, so you have a huge slit. Open up the banana and stuff it with a tablespoon of chopped nuts and a tablespoon of chocolate chips.

You can be lazy, like I was tonight, and put the stuffed banana in the microwave for 1 minute, or you can wrap it in foil and bake it at 400 degrees for about 15-20 minutes. However, the best way to cook this is wrapped in foil and nestled in the embers of a fire, or the coals of a charcoal grill. That way you also impart some smokey flavours. Yum.

This is a great antidote to a sweet craving, and it's even mostly healthy, except for the chocolate chips.

You'll also be pleased to know that the moratorium on alcoholic beverages is going well. I haven't freaked out yet. I'm hoping though, that the calorie reduction is worth it. I had better lose some weight for giving up my precious Savignon Blanc. I sound like Gollum:
"my preciousssssss." I went out for a 30th birthday party on Saturday night as the virtuous DD and had a great time, sans booze. I think I might be more obnoxious without it, if my singing along to eighties videos loudly and dancing badly is anything to go by.

I haven't had a chance to blog much in the past few days. I'm putting my house on the market in the next few days, so all efforts have been devoted to that. Happily for my metabolism, this has involved much physical labour, including many hours yesterday spent digging, raking, pruning, weeding, bagging leaves, and hauling around bricks and rocks. I became aware of many muscles in my buttocks and thighs I had forgotten I owned.

I also have a little side job at my friend's flower shop (Brocade Design Arts) in downtown Nashville. Most of the deliveries are on foot, so I get to jaunt around town carrying flower arrangements, which gives me a little exercise here and there. So I've been getting up off my arse and moving around, even if I haven't had time to schedule dedicated work-outs. I hope to be able to resume my walking/running very soon when my house is finally listed, but until then, I continue to wield paintbrush and rake.

Skinnying Your Pocketbook?

2009-03-04T10:33:00.009-06:00

You might wonder how much it costs to do this "diet"? You might look at some of the ingredients I'm using - the abundance of fish, the fresh vegetables and fruits - and think you could never do this because surely it would cost a fortune.

Well, I am currently just out of graduate school and chronically under-employed. I'm working a couple of part-time jobs to survive, trying to unload an expensive mortgage, and trying to find someone who'll give me a forty-hour job with benefits. Yet, I'm still managing to eat pretty well. You might think I'm crazy, but I argue on a regular basis that my way of eating is actually cheaper than buying processed foods or take-out/fast food.

There are a couple of tricks to eating well on a budget. I love fresh, natural food and I'm not about to give it up and start hitting the $1 value meal at Wendy's or McDonald's because I'm a little skimpy about the wallet. Here are some hints to keep you healthy during the lean times:

1. Grains are cheap. Try buying grains from the bulk bins. This means you will have to invest in some containers for them and some stickers to remind yourself what they are, but it's a one-time investment that you can pick up pretty inexpensively at Wal-Mart or Big Lots. Try bulk quinoa, whole-wheat couscous, cornmeal polenta, wheatberries, or bulgar. All are about $1.50 - $2.00 a pound at Whole Foods or a couple of the local natural food markets.

2. Legumes are cheap too. The same applies as above. Even with buying some in cans, like black beans and chickpeas, you'll still get a lot of bang for your buck. Now if you decide to go hardcore and purchase big packets of lentils and dried beans, or, as above, purchase them from the bulk bins, you'll save even more. Keep in mind though, that a lot of dried legumes have to be soaked overnight.

3. Fresh vegetables that are in season are cheaper. Look for these deals. In winter, carrots, winter squash, sweet potatoes, rutabagas, and leeks, to name a few, are pretty cheap, even the organic versions. If you can find a way to buy locally grown, at a farmers' market, a natural grocery, or even your local market, do, because you'll probably get better produce for as cheap if not cheaper. Organic, locally grown produce has more nutrients too, so you're getting a better nutritional bargain overall, and that's the best kind of bargain. Corn, salad greens, peppers, basil, spinach, and eggplants are all plentiful during the summer and spring, so stock up on the fresh versions of them during the warmer times. Just watch the prices and what your local market has a lot of, and you'll start to get an idea of what is in season.

4. Don't totally discount frozen fruits and vegetables. In winter, when you can buy fresh corn, but here in Tennessee, it doesn't taste anything like the fresh local corn you can get in summer, so I get frozen. Frozen is fine to add to dishes like chili, pastas, and mixed vegetable dishes. I also buy frozen peas. I can't really taste the difference. If I'm making a spinach dip, lasagna, or ravioli, I'll use frozen. Again, I can't tell the difference, so why not go with the cheaper option? In any other season but summer, berries are ridiculously expensive and they come from far, far away, leaving a great big carbon footprint. However, having frozen berries handy for adding to cereal, yogurts, for snacks, for smoothies, is great, especially if you're having a sweet craving.

5. Shop the deals: Even swanky grocery stores like Whole Foods have deals. Look in the meat and fish sections and see what's on sale. Sometimes you'll be surprised at how cheap things are if you're willing to be flexible and creative. I got an unbelievable deal there last year on sirloins. It was only around for a week, but I scooped up enough of them on sale to feed me for a couple of weeks.

6. Buy condiments. If you have a good supply of condiments and seasonings at home, your home-cooked creations will be tastier and you can express more creativity in your cooking. Even with basic ingredients, spices, herbs, oils, mustards, seeds, nuts, and vinegars can help you create unusual dishes. I like to just pick up a couple of these items with every major shopping trip so I have a good supply on hand. If you try to buy them all at once, obviously this could get expensive, but just picking a couple makes this expense manageable. Some condiments, especially Asian and Mexican ones, are cheaper at Asian or Mexican markets, so don't be afraid to go in and check out their selections.

7. When you can, shop at the best place for the best item. No one has unlimited time to go grocery shopping, but you have to admit there are some places that have a great selection of some items, and a horrible or expensive selection of another category. I try to shop around a little. In the summer, I buy limes and cilantro from the Mexican market down the street. Year-round, I buy fish, olive oil, and parmesan cheese in bulk from Costco. Aldi has great and constantly changing deals on a variety of items. Whole Foods sells bulk grains for cheap. They also sell Lavash, unusual fruits and vegetables, and specialty items you can't find anywhere else. I buy local farm milk from The Produce Place down the street. I also stop in there for things that need replenishing often, like eggs, bread, and some veggies. My major shop I do every two weeks at Trader Joe's, but I stop into the aforementioned places throughout that time too.

6. Don't buy ready-made, processed meals. These are expensive. If they are not expensive, they are probably no where near real food. There is also no possibility for leftovers (which are big moneysavers) and this is where stores make most of their profit. There is a reason for that. You are paying for the convenience with your wallet and your waistline.

8. Know the price of everything you buy. Some items can be surprisingly and inexplicably expensive. Watch the cashier ring them up and check your receipt. I recently didn't follow this advice and brought home a $7 container of orange juice I thought was $2.99.

I generally spend under $40 a week on groceries, all stops and all places included, and since I eat over 90% of my meals at home, this represents the bulk of what it costs to keep me running. I consider the expense worth it and I don't think that the equivalent of what it costs to eat two meals out is too outrageous for supplies to make approximately 21 meals, sometimes more.

Less of Me

2009-03-03T20:26:00.002-06:00

There's a pound and a half less of me! Yea! People are saying they can "see it in my face," which to me means I must have lost one of my chins. I think there are still a couple of superfluous chins to go though. I'm happy with this, although I am typically weight-loss greedy. I'm not just naturally greedy for food, I'm also greedy for pound-reduction. What does that say about my psyche, I wonder?

I've been working more this week, which is good for my wallet, but more challenging for my eating habits. Yesterday and today I had to scoff down a hurried lunch. Yesterday I managed the time to heat up a bowl of soup, but today's lunch consisted of a slice of bread and butter, a quickly put together bag of trail mix and an orange. I didn't like being so rushed because that's when I make bad decisions, usually. However, the trail mix held me over until dinner time quite well. This then, is my challenge of the week: be prepared for extremely rushed meal opportunities, especially at lunch; carry snacks at all time; have drinks available, either fizzy water or water bottle; find quick meals that travel well. In other words, get organized.

We Can't All Be Perfect All Of the Time, Even Me.

2009-03-01T21:37:00.003-06:00

This weekend I indulged a little. A friend I recently went to Ireland with got drunk and browsed the Internet looking for a Tea Cosy, but ended up buying it and an entire Full Irish Breakfast kit complete with bread shipped to his house. He text-messaged me late that night (I was already asleep) and said he had a surprise for me (see other blog about people sabotaging my diet!) and when he told me, initially I was panicked because I really wanted to eat it with him, but I was worried about packing on the pounds. However, I thought, screw it, I'll do what Ms. RD says to do with alcohol and fit it in. I'll just go light the rest of the day. Plus, I gave up alcohol this week, so I'm saving calories anyway. I love a good Full Irish Breakfast, and it's such a rare treat for me living in this neck of the woods that I had to jump at the opportunity. I googled the calories (a Full Irish with rashers, sausage, black and white pudding, grilled tomatoes, eggs, and Brennan's bread) and came up with a 1000-1300 calorie range. I bet on the higher range and ate with gusto. I wasn't hungry until later that night, so I had a little snack before bed. I enjoyed it. I relished it. I also planned for it, and didn't treat the rest of my day as having gone to shit just because I ate a big breakfast, which normally I would have done. I went back to healthy eating today too.

Southwestern Something or Other (recipe)

2009-02-27T23:54:00.005-06:00

Originally, this was supposed to be Southwestern Pasta, as seen in the picture here. My mother found the recipe in another of my most-used cookbooks, The Vegetarian 5-Ingredient Gourmet, which is a great cookbooks for herbivores and omnivores alike. I have found that many healthy recipes using unusual ingredients hide in vegetarian cookbooks and never see the light of day in cookbooks too focused on meat or fish. Because the meals in this book only contain five ingredients, at the most, you can easily add to and embellish the recipes. A lot of the dishes work well as side dishes and you could simply add fish, chicken, or another meat.

The original recipe calls for:

1 can black beans (drained)
Fresh corn (from two ears) or 1 cup frozen
3 scallions, chopped
1 jar salsa
Pasta

I added:

1/2 cup olives
1 tomato, diced
Seafood medley

In these quantities, it would probably feed 3 people, but I scaled it back just to feed me.

Put your pasta on to boil. When it boils, dump in the pasta and start cooking the rest.
First saute the seafood medley and the frozen corn in a pan until defrosted and they begin to cook. When the shrimp are pinkish, add the black beans, onions, olives and tomato and saute for a couple of minutes. Then add the salsa and stir gently - you don't want to mush up the beans too much.

Serve over the pasta.

This was how I had it the first night. Feel free to try it this way, but I think it goes much better with bulghar wheat, which is also much quicker to make. Brown rice, or wild rice medley would also work well for this dish. You could also experiment with polenta and make a southwestern seafood grits dish. Oooh, I will have to try that!

Food (b)Log #11

2009-02-27T22:36:00.006-06:00

Ok, so I haven't done one of these for a while, so here goes:

Breakfast:

Trader Joe's Mini Shredded Wheats with 3/4 cup milk

Snack: Cafe Americano with 1 tsp real cream (I know, very naughty)

Lunch: Southwestern medley with bulghar wheat (1/2 cup bulghar, 1 cup mixture shrimp/bay scallops and shrimp, 1/2 cup corn, 1 tomato, 2 green onions, about 6 olives, mixed with 1/2 cup salsa).

An apple

1 square dark chocolate

Dinner: Stir fry (about two cups vegetables with two ounces spaghetti noodles and 1 serving baked tofu, plus about 3/4 cup beansprouts)

And I had better add about 3 teaspoons olive and sesame oils in there for lunch and dinner to be fair.

And no booze!

Go on, you know you want to....

2009-02-27T19:12:00.005-06:00

Here's a random list of new things I've tried in the past year (although most are from the past month) that are healthy and undeniably delicious!

1. Baked Tofu: I am totally useless at cooking tofu. I have tried many times and by several different methods, but it always comes out burnt on the outside and mushy and gross in the middle, so pre-baked, seasoned tofu is a godsend for me. It's also a great way to rustle something up quick. Throw it in a stir-fry or slice it and put it in a wrap or sandwich. I like Trader Joe's Savory Baked Tofu, but I believe many supermarkets have their own brands, and there are some national organic brands too.

2. Tempeh: What a great substitute for meat! It doesn't matter if you're not a vegetarian, apparently they still let you buy this stuff. It has a meaty texture and absorbs seasonings well, yet is less bland than unseasoned tofu. It's also ridiculously filling. I have also used this in sandwiches and stir-fries, but there are myriad ways you could prepare it.

3. Turbot: Like the oh-so-trendy tilapia in that it is a flaky white fish, but one with a little more meatiness and flavour. I buy mine preseasoned at Trader Joe's in the freezer section. It's fabulous lightly dredged with flour and sauteed, but it would be just as great to add your own seasonings.

4. Almond Butter: Not a fan of peanut butter? Me neither, but I do love almond butter. Still contains the benefits of peanut butter - it's loaded with good fats - but has different benefits too.

5. Whole Wheat Lavash: A giant wrap-type bread from Persia and surrounding areas, much like an enormous rectangular tortilla. I have used the whole wheat kind, available from Whole Foods, to make wraps stuffed with cups and cups of vegetables. These are excellent if you're really hungry and want a large vehicle for conveying huge amounts of sandwich stuffings into your mouth.

6. Bulghar Wheat: This is the grainy stuff in tabouli, but the grains on their own are fantastically versatile and super-quick to cook. You can even wet them and soak them for 30 minutes to make a salad. Eat these hot or cold, or make hot and eat cold for leftovers. Add vegetables, seafood, spices, herbs, whatever. Quick, cheap, easy, filling, versatile. If you can't find a box of it, find a grocery/natural foods store with bulk bins. You will often find it there.

7. Sesame Oil: Go easy on this stuff because a little goes a long way! Add it to stir-fry or fried rice for an extra nutty tang. It also just smells fabulous when cooking and you will impress your friends with the exotic smells eminating from your kitchen. Add it to Asian salads too for an extra kick.

8. Blood Oranges: I like these to eat, but they also make an excellent mimosa! I even had a blood orange and basil sorbet last summer. They are not as sweet as regular oranges and somehow seem more filling too.

9. Smoked Mackerel: I'm cheating here a little bit, because I have eaten this for years, but this year marks the first time I have found it available in my neck of the woods. It's a very strong flavoured smoked fish with an oily texture. I like the peppered kind the best. It's yummy for snacking with crackers and other goodies, or on little pieces of toast in the morning (although you probably will smell like it all day). It mixes will with sliced tomato, cucumber, arugula, or watercress. A little of this also goes a long way because of its strong and distinctive taste, but I find it kind of addictive (I am a flavour junkie!).

10. Greek Yogurt: I tried these first almost a year ago. They are a thick, creamy yogurt with a consistency close to soft cheesecake (but better for you). You can buy them plain, with fruit or honey, and in no, low, and full-fat versions. What I like about them is that I feel like I'm eating a piece of cheesecake, especially when I eat the full-fat version with strawberries, and this indulgence is still better than actually eating the cheesecake!

Forty Days and Forty Nights

2009-02-24T20:15:00.006-06:00

Now I'm not trying to go all goody-goody on y'all, but I'm a givin' up the booze for Lent. Yes folks, for forty days and forty nights, not a drop of the fermented grape or distilled grain will cross my lips. Totally teetotal. No beer. No Liquor. No Wine. I'm not doing this for religious reasons but because I believe that giving something you love up for a finite amount of time once a year is good for the soul, the mind, and the body. It forces you, even in little ways, to explore a different way. I will have to go out without drinking, not drink with my meals, or entertain in a way that revolves around drinking, all of which I am so accustomed to doing. It will also help my weight-loss campaign. As Ms. RD pointed out in her last post, booze contains a lot of empty calories, and those calories are really something I could do without for a while. I don't need them and it won't kill me to go without them for a while (at least I'm telling myself that now!).

Wish me luck. This will be difficult.

But, there's a special treat at the end for me because Easter Sunday (the end of Lent) is on my birthday this year. What a blowout I shall have!

Happy Mardi Gras!

2009-02-24T19:11:00.002-06:00

I know more than a few people who are out enjoying the joys of Mardi Gras, namely the alcoholic joys. So I thought I would take this opportunity to shed some light on the whole alcohol calories subject.
Alright, carbohydrates have 4 calories per gram, as do proteins. Fats have a whopping 9 calories per gram, which is why to lose weight, its best to cut fat grams as well. So where does alcohol fit into this mix? A gram of alcohol is 7 calories, almost as much as a gram of fat!! Shocking, I know, and very disheartening for those of us who enjoy a night cap or 5 ;)
Here's one of many sites that brings to light just how many calories that super fun night out with the girls contributed: http://www.ivillage.co.uk/dietandfitness/alcoholcaloriecounter/
So I decided to look into some of my favorite libations: a pint of Blue Moon = 228 calories. I must say, this is a damn shame, because one measly pint of my favorite brew is twice as much as a glass of white wine and almost as much as a WHOLE BOTTLE of sauv. blanc! Speaking of wine... I found another interesting site: http://www.myfoodbuddy.com/alcohol_calorie_counter.htm where you can calculate how many glasses of wine (or other beverage) you drink and see how many calories this adds up to over the course of a year and what that translates into pounds. Scary right?! So apparently drinking a wimpy 3 7oz glasses of wine a week = 24000 calories a year, which could be 7# of weight gain a year if I don't compensate for these calories. Yikes!
I wouldn't dream of telling anyone I know to stop consuming alcoholic beverages, so it's got to be a matter of evening things out. For example, I know I'm going to have some Blue Moon's one evening, so I try to leave myself some wiggle room to fit them into my overall caloric plan. Don't get me wrong, I do NOT go around calculating my calories all day, but I do make one choice over another when I know that I'll be treating myself later. After all, we still have to enjoy life right, and not just obsess over calories.

I Wish I Were on the Beach!

2009-02-24T12:56:00.002-06:00

I'm not, unfortunately, but I can make a tropical dessert and pretend I am!

This makes 2 servings. You can freeze one for another beach-wishin' day.

1 large Mango
1 large Banana
1 banana or vanilla flavoured yogurt (I used 4 oz Trader Joe's Bananas and Cream)
Crushed Ice

Put all ingredients into a blender and zap until smooth. Yummy.

Motivate This!

2009-02-23T18:10:00.003-06:00

One of my favourite blogs, Weighty Matters, had an interesting post today about motivation and inspiration. The brainchild of two Yale professors who discovered people are, guess what, motivated by money, (duh, right?), StickK.com is a motivation bookie. You set your goal, give it a timeframe, and essentially bet on whether you'll succeed. You can collect the money at the end, give it to charity, or my personal pet choice, give it to an anti-charity, somewhere you would hate to see the money go if you lose.

Cookin' with Cukes

2009-02-22T21:50:00.002-06:00

A few days ago I mentioned a recipe from the French cookbook I had acquired and promised I'd tell you how it worked out. I list the recipe below (it's super-simple) and tell you that if you've never considered cooking a cucumber before, you should try it. They turn out kind of like zucchini, but lighter and more refreshing. This is a delightful dish.

You will need:

4 oz seabass per person
1/2 teaspoon butter
1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil
Flour to dredge (I used whole wheat pastry flour)
1 cucumber (I used English, but that's not necessary) per person
1 tomato per person
A few slices polenta per person

First, cut your cucumber up into segments about 3 inches long. Then take an apple corer and core out the seeds. Chop the cucumber into rings (see picture). In a colander, generously douse cucumber in salt. Leave to drain for 15 minutes. Then rinse the cucumbers well with cold water and pat them dry really well.

At this stage, start grilling your polenta slices on high. Spritz them with olive oil and seasoning if desired.

In a large saute pan, put the 1/2 teaspoon oil and butter into the pan and cook the cucumbers on high for two minutes. Turn the cucumbers, attach a tight fitting lid, turn the heat down to medium and allow to cook for nine minutes.

Take the cukes out of the pan and keep warm. Add the rest of the oil and allow it to get hot. Lightly dredge the seabass fillets in flour and drop them into the pan. Sear them on each side for about four minutes. Be careful when turning, as the fish will flake.

Lay out your polenta slices, top with the seabass. Arrange the sauteed cucumbers around both, and top with the diced tomato.

Work With Me Here!!

2009-02-22T18:09:00.002-06:00

After discussing the progress of Miss B, my sister who would also like to lose weight has asked me for some assistance too. She wants to try to lose 30 pounds by July, which is very reasonable. So tonight I'm trying to plan some meals for her, and I find myself banging my head against the wall. She likes lasagna, so I thought, I'll make up a veggie filled lasagna with whole wheat lasagna; it would be delicious! However, my dearest sister is a meal planning nightmare. She is soooo picky and the foods that she will eat is very limited in type and preparation method. For example, I say "do you like zucchini?" and she says "yes I love zucchini." I'm encouraged for just a moment before realizing that I'm sure she is thinking of the lovely fried zucchini appetizers found at Olive Garden. So I clarify, "not fried" and I get an "eww" response... "not even pan fried??" "I don't want it all nasty and steamed," she states.
I'm just beginning with meal planning with her, and I'm already throwing my hands up. If you aren't willing to stretch your comfort zone, try new things, and make a damn effort, then it will never work. It ticks me off that people think that they can eat the way they always have and see any kind of success. You've got to be open minded at the least.
So, at the present time, I'm trying to plan a menu for someone who: doesn't like salad (its a texture thing), doesn't like soup, rice, or any vegetables other than corn, green beans, peas, and carrots, unless they're fried of course! This is a super challenge, even for me :(

Food (b)Log #10

2009-02-20T22:21:00.007-06:00

Yesterday was a challenging day hunger-wise. My cold has me hungrier than usual so I really felt like stuffing my face all day. I left the house to go to work (only for a few hours though) without bringing the snacks I had laid out for myself, so by the time I finished work at 6:30, I was out in the suburbs and starving. My mind started wandering to all the places around Donelson in which stuffing my face was possible. If you know the area, you know that finding quick healthy food options is a challenge.

I had only had some Weetabix and milk, and orange, a slice of bread, and some lentil and carrot soup (140 calories), which usually would suffice, but I think the combination of my cold, the temperature outside, and the stress of the day combined to make me ravenous. I called up a friend (who is very anti-blog, so I know she won't read this) and suggested we meet at the Chili's out there. I thought perhaps Chili's might have some healthy options, and vaguely remembered something about a Guiltless Grill, but I thought, well, there's over 1000 calories left to this day, so big deal if it's not as "good" as homemade. Here are a couple of things I learned about Chili's. They do indeed have a Guiltless Grill. On the menu it says that these selections are guaranteed under 800 calories and 25 grams of fat (still sounds like a lot to me!), but it doesn't give the menu reader specific counts for each item on this guiltless menu. In fact, some of the items almost hit the maximum calories, and some, like the grilled tilapia, contain about 200 calories. That's a whopping difference. Knowing this would have made my choice much easier and I probably could have ordered a much more filling meal had Chili's armed me with this information. Also, some items that qualify for the Guiltless Grill criteria are not listed as such and just appear on the regular menu, like the Spicy Garlic and Lime Grilled Shrimp Salad. Unmodified, it undercuts the maximum calories by almost 200 (and without cheese, it comes in at way under and qualifies for the maximum fat gram allowance). I ordered it without cheese, dressing on the side, and picked out the tortilla strips. While this fastidiousness allowed me some extra leeway for the beers I chugged down to accompany the salad, it wasn't strictly necessary. The salad was actually delicious without both. Chili's had Happy Hour going on, so I ordered two beers (four really).

My friend pointed out that Chili's posts their nutritional content on their website, for which I applaud them, but what good does that do the customer stuck sitting at their bar, miles away from home and internet connection, starving, and trying to make intelligent food choices? Think it through, Chili's, and take my very logical suggestions. Put all the items that belong on the Guiltless Grill on it (have a version of the grilled shrimp salad without the cheese and with just a sprinkling of crunch tortilla strips) and give nutritional information for everything on this section of the menu. Help a girl out!

Hanging in Critical Balance

2009-02-18T22:12:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, I should have weighed myself, but I ate breakfast and did a million other things before I thought about it, and as every seasoned dieter knows, you should only weigh yourself first thing in the morning. As I went running yesterday, I thought about the possibility that I hadn't lost any weight this week. How would I deal with that, emotionally? Would a failure to lose any weight on only the second week cause me to give up on the whole thing and believe that I'm doomed forever by my uncooperative metabolism to be fat? I wasn't feeling it yesterday. I did feel fat and bloated and I went over in my head, as I ran, all the things I had eaten (and drank - that's far worse) during the past week, picking over my choices with a critical fine toothcomb.

The ridiculousness of this arrested me and stopped me in my tracks. How had I got to this point in only two weeks? It's a question of extremes. I've gone from stuffing everything down my neck without any heed to its caloric content to monitoring every little morsel. Extremes like this will drive a person crazy, I thought.

It's difficult to maintain a balance mentally with food. When you are driven to extreme lifestyle changes physically, it naturally follows that your thought patterns will mimic these changes. As I continued to run, I decided to consciously monitor the balance I keep between my former throw all caloric cares to the wind-approach and my new awareness of the food and drink I intake. I can't become either too carefree or too critical. Being careless about eating has made me unhappy, but being uptight and overly critical of my eating habits will do the same.

By the time I huffed and puffed my way back into the house, I had made peace with the impending confrontation with the scale and woke up this morning ready to face the music.

I lost 3 more pounds.

The Loneliness of the Not So Long Distance Runner

2009-02-17T23:00:00.003-06:00

I may have mentioned walking in this blog, and I am trying to walk as much as possible. In my semi-employed state, I definitely have the time. In order to condense more my caloric burnage, I have tried to start "running." I put this in quotes because it's actually like walking at a faster pace. I run approximately .8 miles and then walk the rest of the way home. I think the walking home is sometimes harder than the running, although when I start out, the running seems quite easy. Around the 8th block, my breathing is heavy and I feel like I'm pulling a very heavy oxen, and not the other way around. I usually walk home.

Here's my goal. Let's see if you can help me. I want to be able to run to 51st St, and run back to my house. Right now, I can get to 51st, but I get winded and have to walk back. Cheer me on folks. I don't know how far it is to 51st St. and back to my house, but I'm guessing about 2.5 miles, almost a 5K, so put in your support, even if I run like a very large cross between a donkey and an octopus.

So how does this all work anyway?

2009-02-16T20:40:00.003-06:00

OK, so people all know that in order to lose weight you have to drop calories. But how many? How many calories should I be eating? Here's the deal: It takes 3500 calories to equal one pound. Therefore if you were over consuming 500 calories more than your body needs then you could be gaining a pound a week. On the other hand, cut 3500 calories a week, and you can lose a pound a week! Now the beauty of this is that those 500 calories a day don't have to just be from less calories eaten, but also calories burned in exercise. So if you were to burn 200 calories from walking for 30 minutes, you'd only need to drop 300 calories to lose a pound a week. Now if you've been overconsuming for a while now, you may be able to cut more than 500 calories out pretty easily.
So, how many calories to eat?? This is very individualized, but here's a general rule to go by:
Take what weight you want to be, and multiply by 10. So say you want to get down to 130 pounds...you should shoot for 1300 calories. It may not be a great idea to go straight from 2000-3000 calories per day to 1300, but you can work your way down. Plus, if you start getting more active, this whole process is a lot easier.
The "reasonable" goal is 1-2 pounds of weight loss per week. To begin, many people lose more than this, and that's a great boost to the motivation. But when it drops to just 1-2 pounds a week, that is still excellent progress. So you may say, "1-2 pounds a week is too damned slow!" but I say, hold on a minute Miss Impatient. By losing weight in the "slow and steady" manner, you're body is less likely to gain weight back, the ever-dreaded Yo-Yo effect. Think of it like this, if you starve yourself, that is exactly how your body will react accordingly. Your body will say, "Holy crap, I'm not getting much energy (aka calories), so maybe I should slow down my metabolism and conserve what energy I am getting." Your body conserving energy = calories stored as fat rather than being burned for energy. Think of a hibernating bear and you'll be on the right track. So you may lose decent weight initially, but you won't be able to maintain it. Depressing right? Well not if you remember: slow and steady wins the race. :)

Food (b)Log #9 (or, Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This)

2009-02-16T19:02:00.002-06:00

Today I suffer from a general lack of motivation, a Monday malaise perhaps. I have not gone for my usual walk (yet - the guilt may get me soon), haven't cleaned or vacuumed, washed the dishes, or done the laundry. It's just one of those days. To accompany the malaise, there's a side-dish of ravenous hunger. Nothing but hunger all day, since getting out of bed this morning. There was the usual Weetabix and milk for breakfast, a cuppa tea, then a smoked mackerel and cucumber sandwich for lunch, followed by an apple, a spoon of almond butter, and then a pear, and then dinner. Dinner was ahi tuna with the rest of my Trader Joe's stir fry, some beansprouts, a sprinkling of sesame seeds, and 1/2 cup egg fried rice, harriedly thrown together as soon as I entered the house, famished. Delicious, but still there's an unsatisfied little demon inside. I'm not even sure what he wants: wine perhaps? chocolate? surely not more fruit? I'm going to ignore him and go wash the dishes. I hate getting in this snacky mood, because I'm generally so not a snacker that I'm afraid I'll just eat all day.

Oh well, here's a picture of my sloppy stir-fry for your enjoyment.

There's Nothing Like Free Stuff

2009-02-16T11:30:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I helped my mother sort out her books. She's following my lead and taking the ones she doesn't want to a used bookstore to sell. This is surprisingly profitable, as I learnt last week. In the process of sorting out her cookbooks, I found two or three she didn't want. I would like to highlight one gem that has sat inconspicuously on her shelf for years, unbeknownst to me. The French Culinary Institute's Salute to Healthy Cooking contains many delicious-looking recipes with a wide range of ingredients and difficulty levels. It is a healthy cookbook that has real food, classy dishes, and comfort cooking as well as truly healthy vegetarian-friendly whole grain-using dishes. For those relatively new to cooking, or those who wish to increase their skill level, there is a section of basic recipes (stocks, sauces, vinegarettes) and basic techniques. A quick browse through this section alone should sharpen up anyone's repetoire of kitchen skills. I am looking forward to making the Sea Bass with Sauteed Cucumbers. I'll let you know how it goes. The book is available used in hardback from Amazon.com for $1.99 plus shipping, so it's a true bargain.

Me vs. The Cauliflower

2009-02-15T09:35:00.002-06:00

I won. I neglected to mention this in my food journal yesterday, but I was craving vegetables so I washed and munched my way through an entire cauliflower. I devoured the delicious cruciferous. Did you know that cruciferous vegetables are actually named after the crucifix because they have four equal petals arranged crosswise?

The Evil of Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T18:44:00.003-06:00

It's Valentine's Day. I am pretty unhappy because everyone I know is coupled up and probably going out somewhere. I am home eating leftover pizza and shortly I will be drinking wine. What makes me unhappy is not the fact that I don't have a boyfriend, but that everyone else does and I want to go out and have some fun, but there's no one to do it with. On the bright side, this does give me time to tell you what I have eaten today.

Pumpernickel bread with 2 0z smoked mackerel
Orange

Coffee with 1 tsp real cream

1 slice multigrain bread (60 cal) with Heinz Baked Beans (90 cal) (Beans on Toast)
1 cup raw cauliflower

1/2 last night's leftover pizza

I anticipate some wine-drinkage to come.

Happy Valentine's Day

Food (b)Log #8 (or, Resist the Resistance)

2009-02-13T22:30:00.006-06:00

I have not posted a list of what I've eaten for a couple of days, although I have kept up with my food log on Fitday.com, so I'm fully aware of my caloric intake, well as much as I can guess with my limited dietary calculating skills. If you haven't checked out Fitday yet, I urge you to. I keep playing around with the features, which include an activity log, a food log, various graphs and charts, body measurement statistics over time, and a weight goal tracker. It's everything you would pay WeightWatchers for for free!

So I thought I would list my foods for today so you can get a continued idea of what I'm eating. Today has been an o.k. day, although I have not eaten as much fruits and veggies as I would have liked to, and I'm too full to eat any now.

Breakfast:

German Pumpernickel Bread (120 cal, 6 grams fiber)
1 tsp butter
1 tsp homemade blueberry jam
1/2 cup milk

Lunch:

1 Whole Foods Whole Wheat Lavash Wrap (220 calories)
8 thin slices Tempeh
About 1 cup raw spinach
2 thin slices avocado
1/2 cup beansprouts
a few roasted peppers
1/2 cup cucumber
1/4 cup alfalfa sprouts
1 tbsp Trader Joe's Soyaki

Dinner:

1/2 Pizza (with the same crust recipe) I worked out the crust to have about 250 calories per half pizza, plus 1 oz mozerella and assorted veggies. Veggies included spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, chopped garlic, red onions, and mushrooms.

1 piece dark chocolate (70 calories)
1 very small glass white wine

Resist the Resistance, or Let Me Do Something Good

You can't please people. This is something I have learnt. No matter what you do, someone will always have a way you could be doing it better, differently, or not at all. With diets, as with so many other things, people are always willing to put in their two cents, or cash out your two cents.

Over the past week, I've experienced something different from all the other times I have tried to lose weight. Even in the hopeful honeymoon stage that begins every diet, my mind is usually preoccupied with all the things I can't have. I dream about meatballs and cream cakes, bacon-wrapped stuffing, and flaky pastry, and wonder when I will be able to devour large servings ot these things again. In short, my usual rationale is: how can I get skinny so I can start stuffing my face again?

The problem is entitlement. It's the silver, sugar-dipped spoon in the mouth attitude. I thought somehow that I was entitled to eat whatever I wanted and it was "unfair" and "not my fault" that I put weight on. This week I told myself to grow up. I'm thirty years old now and it's about time I did. It's about time I took some accountablility for what I put in my mouth and learn to recognize that every choice has consequences. Perhaps it isn't fair, or perhaps I do have insulin resistance or a slow metabolism, or I'm really a 6 foot 4 svelt blond Swedish guy who was unfairly dumped into a 5 foot 2 woman's body. Whatever the case may be, I still can't eat whatever I want and be a healthy weight. No ifs, ands, or buts. And no excuses.

That's what I can't do, but what's the other side of the coin? What I can do, right? I can learn how to live a healthy, fit life. I can learn which choices make me feel good, full, energetic, clear-thinking and positive. I stopped smoking a few weeks ago, and I've been criticized for trying to start to lose weight. "It's too soon," they say, or "You're trying to do too much at once," or "You'll fail because your expectations are too high." Perhaps they are right and I should just give up. I should say, "Screw real lifestyle change. I'll just fudge through this. I'll just substitute low-fat versions of the foods I'm used to. I'll eat processed imitations. I won't try anything that might change my body chemistry and my outlook. I'll find ways to cheat around having my 4 cups of fruit and vegetables every day. I'll drink diet sodas because they have no calories. I won't exercise because that's just too hard for me. I'll just diet instead of try to become healthy."

If you have a friend who is trying to make real change in her (or his) life, please try to applaud those changes, even if they seem out of character, and even if you feel threatened by them. This is a difficult journey, even harder than breaking up with a bad boyfriend or quitting smoking or drinking. You don't have to see the boyfriend, and cigarettes and alcohol are not necessary to existance, but you can't go cold turkey on food. You have to learn to control what you eat. As Ms. RD said in one of her comments, everyone is different, and some people are more extreme than others. I think there is no absolute right way. Please be supportive. Don't try to sabotage our efforts, we beg you.

I'm Such a Big Loser!

2009-02-12T20:43:00.003-06:00

I lost six pounds this week! Yea me. I realize that this won't happen every week and it's probably my body going into shock, so I have to remind myself not to be disappointed when that doesn't happen next week. I'm feeling a little better already. I mentioned my energy level, but my mood is also elevated. I'm feeling happy about things overall, even though I have no reason to be particularly optimistic, after all, I'm under-employed, the bills are mounting, and I'm stressed out about it, but since I started eating this way, I can't seem to feel depressed or as stressed. It's only been just over a week, so its early days yet, but I can feel definite and quite drastic improvements in my mental state and general energy level and motivation.

I promised pizza recipes a few days ago, and a couple of days ago, I finally made a pizza. A friend gave me a pizza crust recipe last year and I had only made it with white flour up until Tuesday. I merely substituted whole wheat flour into the usual recipe and cut the salt and sugar. Wheat flour, I discovered, acts differently, and there's still some tweaking to be done, but I'll give you my recipe in progress below:

2 cups whole wheat flour
2 tsp sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
About 3/4 cup warm water
1 package or about 1 tbsp active dry yeast
1 tsp olive oil
(makes TWO nine inch round pizza crusts)

I make this using a Kitchenaid Mixer, but you could also do it in a food processor, or if you're really talented, by hand.

Fit the mixer with the dough hook. Pour in the flour and salt and mix around with your fingers. Into the approximately 3/4 cup warm water, pour the yeast and the sugar. Stir well, and leave to froth for about 15 minutes. When the water is good and frothy, pour it and the olive oil into the mixer and start the kneading with the dough hook. You may need to occasionally wipe flour off the sides of the bowl by hand. You'll know when it's ready. Adjust the water as necessary for the dough to come together.

Put a kitchen towel over the mixer bowl and place the bowl in a warm place for about 30-45 minutes. When the dough has risen to about twice it's original size, it's ready.

Here's something optional but yummy. While the dough is rising, roast some garlic cloves in the oven. Let them cool down while you knead the dough. To knead the dough, you can do it with your hands or roll it out. I try and do it hand-tossed style.

When you have a pizza shape, spread your roasted garlic over the crust before you spread on the sauce. The easiest way to distribute sauce is with the back-side of a spoon. Then add your toppings. I used 2 oz fresh mozzarella (for the whole pizza), spinach, roasted eggplant, mushrooms, sun-dried tomatoes, tomatoes and a host of other things I can't remember. The important thing is to use lots of veggies and less cheese.

Bake at 375 for 20 minutes.

Ah, that's why!

2009-02-10T22:42:00.002-06:00

I came across this today and it cracked me up. Have a chuckle and be happy for the heart attack you're not currently having!

Food (b)Log #7

2009-02-09T23:36:00.005-06:00

This is the first day I've spent on "the diet" not actually actively thinking about it. I got up, felt full of energy, took my ipod and went for a walk, not really because I had to, but because I had energy, because it was a beautiful day, and because I wanted to. I had a great time too. It's good to have time to yourself that's not spent sitting on the couch and wallowing. Having oxygen flowing through your brain is helpful and makes you feel like you can conquer the world, even though you may be underemployed, bills overdue, and stressed out.

I have felt for the past few months, like everything is an effort: getting out of bed, having a shower, making food, eating, watching TV, taking care of the cats, cleaning, washing laundry. Everything.
Yet in the past few days, since I started changing my diet, I have felt much more equipped to deal with the world. I have energy and have completed more in these days than I have in the past two months. It's a good feeling, and I think it is too big a coincidence not to be related to what I have eaten. My energy is sky high.

Here's what I've eaten today:

Pumpernickel bread (see yesterday)
1 tsp. butter
1 tbsp. Jam (all natural, local blueberry, from Franklin, TN)
Tea

Banana

Lunch

Tortilla Wrap
2 oz Turkey
Smoked Tabasco
Sprouts
2 thin slices avocado
Pico de Gallo
Cucumber
Spritz of olive oil

A couple of segments of a blood orange

A French Truffle from Trader Joe's (dark chocolate)

Dinner

4 oz Mahi Mahi (pre-marinated, seemed like the sauce had some oil in it)
1/2 cup brown rice/barley/wheatberry medley
1 cup zucchini/squash
1/2 cup eggplant
Spritz olive oil
Seasoning

3 1/2 glasses white wine plus good company (Carrie)

Food (b)Log #6

2009-02-08T22:16:00.004-06:00

Today's problem was a welcome one: I couldn't eat enough calories. I have topped out at approximately 950 calories and can eat no more. Who would have imagined? It's unbelievable.

Here's a run-down of the foods I ate, with a little recipe fun too!

German Pumpernickel Bread (I slice 120 calories, 1g fat, 6g fibre)
1 tsp. butter
Approx. 1/2 cup cucumbers thinly sliced on the bread, topped with salt and pepper. What a yummy and unusual breakfast, accompanied by tea, of course.

My friend W.B. and I went walking this morning on the Nashville Greenway. It was such a beautiful day that we walked for about an hour an a half and explored some new pathways on it. I was bubbling with energy.

He wanted to go out for lunch but I dissuaded him and made a gourmet lunch for both of us.

This is phenomenal and very filling for two people:

Asian Ahi Tuna Tacos

4 oz Ahi Tuna Steak
Carrot
Cucumber
Alfalfa Sprouts
Sesame Seeds (optional)
Asian Marinade or Dressing
Avocado
Mayonnaise (optional)
Sesame Oil (optional)

Take 4 oz Ahi Tuna and marinate in Trader Joe's Soyaki (about 1 tablespoon will do) or other fairly low-calorie Asian-inspired sauce or salad dressing, for about 15 minutes. Meanwhile, dice some cucumber, shred some carrot, and thinly slice about 1/3 of an avocado. Mist a non-stick pan with olive oil. Let the oil start to smoke slightly and place the tuna in the pan. Cook at medium-high heat for about 3 to 4 minutes per side, depending on the thickness of your tuna steak (hint: watch the sides of the tuna to see how far through it is cooking). Don't worry that the tuna will burn a little on the outside; you want that to happen. Meanwhile in a large pan, toast your (whole wheat) tortillas slightly and if you like, toast some sesame seeds along with them (I have a really big pan). When the tuna is done, let it sit for a minute and then slice with a sharp knife into as thin slices as you can manage. Layer the tuna on the tortillas and top with 1 tsp. mayonnaise if desired. Then layer a couple of avocado slices and the other vegetables and add some alfalfa sprouts. Drizzle the taco with a few drops of sesame oil and shake on the toasted sesame seeds. This is easiest to eat if you wrap one end in foil to prevent the juicy tuna juice running down your arms!

I think I will experiment more with this recipe, perhaps adding roasted peppers or basil in future. This is just a starting point.

I found the taco rather filling, and my friend, W.B., didn't think so at first, but after we sat and chatted for a while, he said he was quite full.

In the afternoon, I merely snacked on an orange. I wasn't all that hungry and didn't start cooking dinner until about 7:30 this evening. Here's a picture and another recipe for you to try, copy, modify, or whatever you like. This one is so super easy, even a caveman could do it.

Pouch-Steamed Tilapia

1 Tilapia Filet
1 Cup Zucchini
1 Cup Yellow Squash
Seasoning
Olive Oil
Brown Rice (or other whole grain).
Pico de Gallo
1/2 Lemon

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees. Meanwhile, cook your accompanying grains. I did brown rice, but I think bulgar wheat would probably go extremely well with this dish.
Take a large piece of foil, perhaps about 3ft. long and fold over into an 18inch piece (you might also experiment with using parchment paper here for a nifty guest-pleasing presentation). Lay the tilapia on the foil lenthwise, so you will have room to put the vegetables beside it and still fold it over. Sprinkle the tilapia with the seasoning of your choice. Try to use one with easily-recognizable ingredients and no MSG. I used Emeril's Essence, but I also like Prudhomme's Blackened Seafood Magic. How much you use is up to you. I sprinkled both sides of the fish pretty liberally. I then squeezed half a lemon over the fish (only the fish). Next lay the vegetables next to the fish and mist the whole thing with olive oil. If you don't have a Misto, get one, they are fabulous. Fold over the pouch, crunkle the edges so it's airtight, place on a cookie sheet, and cook for about 35 minutes. Lay all ingredients on a plate and liberally cover the fish with Pico de Gallo.

Don't take my word for it. Make this dish yourself and see how good it is. I was completely blown away by the delicate tastiness of it. This would be a great dinner to make for guests, especially because the cleanup is so easy and you can make each guest an individual pounch. Don't tell them it's healthy and they won't even guess.

I finished off the meal with a banana and was so nicely satisfied.

A Sad Litany of Diets

2009-02-08T09:59:00.008-06:00

I've been overweight for a long time. I believe the last time I weighed within the healthy range for my height was 1998. That's eleven years ago, as I type. I've struggled with my weight since about age 9, but in high school I managed to keep it in check, using a combination of swimming and self-starvation. Since that time, I have gone through the usual litany of diets, some more successful than others, some with results that lasted longer than others, but as you can probably guess from the need for this most recent venture, all were ultimately failures (or perhaps my participation in them was a failure?).

The list is as follows:

High School Years: I swam everyday, which gave me some latitude to eat. However, I mostly starved myself, ate Ramen noodles, pretzels, and Carnation Instant Breakfast. The results were successful, but I think I can still feel the effects on my health.

1996, Jenny Craig: If you're not familiar with this diet, the premise is that the less control you personally have over your eating habits, the better. They provide you with three pre-packaged and/or frozen meals a day. All you have to do is add in the extras like salads, olives, milk etc. You have to go back to them every week. They weigh you, take measurements, and you purchase more food. Jenny Craig is fine when you first start it. You don't have to think too much, you just eat what is on your weekly plan. There are, however, only a finite amount of Jenny Craig packaged foods, so if you have a lot of weight to lose, you can quickly become very sick of their offerings. The foods are mostly frozen, although some are freeze-dried or vacuum-packed. They are all similarly laden with preservatives and unpronounceable ingredients. There's also another downside to this diet: what if you like to cook? To me, Jenny Craig teaches you that eating is dreary, automatic, and non-participatory. This first time though, I did lose weight, but calling Jenny Craig a lifestyle change is a joke.

1997, Larry North Diet: Referred to by my family (we all did it together) as "The Larry Diet," it espoused an extremely low fat, lean meats, lots of vegetables approach. Larry was a big fan of snacking, so it did feel like I ate constantly, but I never really felt satisfied. I don't remember the exact tenets of this diet too well, so I might be doing him a disservice when I say there was not an emphasis on whole grains. I do remember that it was ok to substitute Slim Fasts for meals (yuck) and I did this often. The main thing I remember was "No Fat." However, I did the diet, lost 30 pounds and kept it off for about a year and a half.

1999, Atkins Diet, Attempt No. 1: You probably all know about the Atkins diet, maybe you've even tried it. It does work, in the short term, and it's so much fun to eat all that bacon and cheese. When I moved away to college in 1999, my roommate and I were both doing this diet (and also ritually doing Billy Blanks's Tae Bo, remember that?). We ate mounds of bacon, chicken wings, cheese, salami, sausage and deprived ourselves of sugars, breads, lots of fruits, some vegetables and grains. I lost weight, but I didn't feel all that great doing it. The way Dr. Atkins explains the diet in the book, you are supposed to lose the weight and then start adding in whole grains and fruits for maintenance. This didn't happen with me. I would get these MONSTER sugar cravings. Once I bought an entire white baguette, ate it, the whole thing, smothered in butter, and then cried because I had ruined my diet. I think though, that a diet this unbalanced sets up an unachievable standard because our bodies are not wired that way, and it's so difficult to use a vast amount of willpower to rewire your biology.

2000, WeightWatchers, Attempt No. 1: Weight-Watchers has a good diet, and it's easy to follow. The program is easy enough and there are a lot of support systems and tools, such as recipes, online chats, points-tracking programs, and the meetings. Now what I'm about to say might make me sound like a horrible person, but I f**king hated those meetings. I hated the weigh-ins and I hated the meetings. I have attended three different WeightWatchers branches in two different states, and all seemed the same. No one is friendly, even when they sign you up. It has a very punitive vibe. They take your money, give you your materials, explain the program and you attend a meeting. You get a little card, which you have to take back every week when you get weighed, and they stamp it and write your weight on it with a plus or minus sign indicating whether you lost weight or gained it. The weigh-ins are just weird: little cubicles with a scales, which you inhabit briefly with an inevitably middle-aged to older lady in frumpy clothes with a dour expression. She will snatch your card from you like she owns it, and instruct you to get on the scale. Even if you lose, say, six pounds, I doubt she will crack a smile. Then you go to the meetings. Saying I felt like a fish out of water is an understatement. The meetings are 30 minutes long, have a "theme" and are led by a "lifetime member," someone who has lost all their weight and kept it off. The leader gives out little stars to people who have lost certain increments of weight, and everybody claps. Yea! They then spend thirty minutes talking about which high salt, high sugar, low-fat processed foods they can substitute for all their fat faves, and how many points these foods are. Again, no one is under fifty-five or male. There was a big hush in the room when I asked how many points there were in a margarita. How dare I mention that I might want to waste my points on alcohol instead of preservative-infested WeightWatchers frozen fudge brownie sundaes? There are some rather lame attempts to tell you that you should eat your veggies, and that's what the diet is supposed to be about, but trust me, go to a meeting and you'll see it's not. I'm sure WeightWatchers means well, and it's been around for years, and it truly is the best commercial diet I've tried, but it just doesn't work for me.

2000-2004, A combination of any and all of these diets: I tried Jenny Craig again, tried smoking myself thin, breaking up with boys-myself thin, WeightWatchers, Atkins, the not-diet, going to the Rec Center, Curves, and Dieting With the Duchess, in various rotations with varied effects.

2004-2008, The French Diet: Eat like the French do. Have butter, cream, coffee, pastry, eggs, sauces, wine, but have them in small portions and eat slowly. This might work if I lived in France, but I don't. I can't walk everywhere here, and mealtimes are a rushed affair, especially lunch, and portions are massive. Nice to think it could work, but it didn't for me.

I also gave up a lot during this time and decided to be happier with my weight. Now I say "screw that, back to reality."

Food (b)Log #5 (In the Spirit).

2009-02-08T00:13:00.006-06:00

Ok, it's the weekend, and aren't we all a little worse on the weekend? Maybe not, but I thought I'd try to appeal to the populace before I actually listed what I've eaten today. It's not really the eating that's bad, it's the drinking, but worry not, faithful followers, we will eventually slay that dragon too.

Here's my day:

Weetabix and milk (same as usual).
Orange
Wrap (chicken from Tossed) with healthy modifications and according to their website: 500 calories (I opted out of dressing, tortilla chips and told them to put in less chicken, but I did have some fat with the avocado).
Stir Fry (I know, again, right). My friend Brett made it. I made him use minimal oil (3 tsp for 3 people) and 3 times as much veggies as meat (there was a plentitude of veggies, multi-colour peppers, snow peas, zucchini, onions, mushrooms and much more), plus brown rice. I think the total meal was around 4 to 500 calories, and I'm probably over-estimating.

Here's the bad bit. Wine.

4 x 5oz glasses of Savignon Blanc. Now Sav. Blancs are the best for caloric content as far as wine goes, which is a surpise to me because usually I like the most fattening of everything, but Sav. Blanc has a lovely crispness that makes it my absolute favourite. I estimated this must mean about 500 calories, or perhaps a little more.

I did my analysis on FitDay, which is marvellous, by the way, and it came up with about 1700 calories for me for the day, including the wine, and I tried to report everything. That still seems low to me, so I'm going to assume I ate and drank more, and try and go for better as I go along. I was thinking I must have consumed at least 2000.

And I didn't tell you the best part. I went walking for an hour yesterday, and .... today too at Radnor Lake.

I also forgot to mention that my mood and energy level has been better than in a long time. I initiated the walking at Radnor today. I felt restless and full of energy and the need to exercise. I thought this was a good sign, and a sign of my return to my former, more active self. We'll see how it goes, but I definitely felt more like myself today and I would like to continue to try and exercise everyday or as much as is possible.

It's Not About Getting it Right

2009-02-07T10:03:00.004-06:00

I found the original article from The Washington Post I referred to yesterday. The article addresses the issue of food logs and whether they work or not. They argue that if you are trying to lose weight, you should try to log everything you eat. I know, right, we've all been told that before. Apparently, when we keep food logs, we don't get it right, not even nearly right, most of the time. What's the point then? Well apparently, it doesn't matter if your log is correct, what matters is the overarching concept of accountability. Keeping a log makes you make better choices overall because you are constantly thinking about what you eat and knowing that you will have to write it down and see it in black and white. I don't know about you, but that made me feel a lot better about the whole thing. It just seems so tedious to write down everything that goes in your mouth, and I am a perfectionist, so I think that if I forget something, or get something wrong, then my whole diet is blown. Not the case apparently. Keep (b)logging girl!

Food (b)Log #4

2009-02-07T00:03:00.002-06:00

I found a website today through an article on the Washington Post called FitDay, on which you can enter the food you eat, the exercise you do, and all kinds of other things, and get nifty pie charts of your progress. I don't know about you, but I love me some pie-charts. I have started tallying all of my foods on that site. It's pretty interesting. I wish I could find the original article I found this site from but I cannot remember how I came upon it.

Here's my food for today though:

Weetabix and milk, as before
Orange
Lentil soup (140 calories) Trader Joe's brand
Yogurt 4 oz 140 Cal. 6g Fat
Asian Ahi Tuna Salad - Perhaps 500 calories
4 beers - I'm guessing about 600 calories
1 Port 100 calories
A couple of bites of choc. cake 200 calories.

Not the best day ever, but not the worst either, especially considering I went out for dinner and drank a bunch of beer. Better than I usually do. Baby steps to "the dress." I will post a picture of the dress soon. It is my inspiration.

Food (b)Log #3

2009-02-05T21:40:00.002-06:00

Ok, short and simple tonight, no feelings, I don't have time. I'm tired and I want to go to bed.

Breakfast:

Weetabix and milk (again) btw I'm only having b/t 1/2 and 3/4 cup whole milk with it.
Orange

Wrap (see yesterday, essentially exactly the same)

1 orange

More water than yesterday. Yeah! Working on that too.

Same stir fry as yesterday. Except substitute tuna for 1 egg and about 2 tsp more oil.

Have to admit to 5 glasses of wine (4 oz) Yeah, just had to get tipsy tonight - worked with high school students who can't read - have to usually get tipsy on Thursdays.

Food (b)Log #2

2009-02-04T18:21:00.004-06:00

Breathe a sigh of relief with me. Ahhhh. Today has been better, as in, I haven't been starving and/or snapping at people. Good sign.

I started my day again with the Weetabix and milk with a cup of tea. I meant to have an orange, but I forgot because I was actually full at that point.

I made a wrap again, actually more like a giant taco with the same tortilla wraps, 4oz of the leftover chicken, about 1/4 cup of beans and tomatoes, about 1/2 cup leftover peppers and eggplant, and about 1/4 cup of sprouts, at least, plus I ate about half of the package of sprouts while toasting the tortillas. I like to snack on raw veggies. I added 1/2 teaspoon canola mayonnaise too.

I then had an orange.

About 4, I was peckish, so I had a tablespoon of Almond Butter, no sugar, (100 calories), which has sufficed to fill me up until now at 6:27 pm, when I'm getting ready to eat dinner after I fetch myself a bottle of wine. I am a little hungry, but not starving at all.

Tonight I am making a stir fry from a mixed vegetable stir fry mix bought at Trader Joe's (In case you haven't noticed, I am a big big fan of our new grocery store). They are fresh vegetables, not frozen. I plan to make the stir fry with a little olive oil, perhaps just misted, some brown rice, some soy sauce, and I'm going to add in an egg, just to give it some umph. I had planned to make it with ahi tuna, but with my house being so cold, it has refused to defrost in time!

If I'm still hungry, I may have an orange and/or some yogurt.

I'll let you know if all goes to plan, but I don't see right now why it wouldn't. Famous last words, right? And I haven't forgotten that I promised you pizza recipes. It may be tomorrow when I actually make pizza. Until then, I'm looking for a good, not too sugary, whole-wheat crust.

Ok, dinner update.

1/2 cup brown rice.
2 cups stir fry vegetables.
4 oz. Ahi Tuna (It was defrosted after all)
2 tablespoons Soyaki sauce (Trader Joe's 80 calories).

12 oz Red Wine (I did measure :-))

Food (b)Log #1

2009-02-03T19:33:00.003-06:00

First, here's a link to a page on a fav blog of mine, Weighty Matters, about portion size. We all know this is true, but apparently, there had to be a study documenting this (and they say English is a useless degree!).

Ok, here I go with the food(b)log:

Breakfast:

Weetabix with 3/4 cup milk (sorry Ms RD, it wasn't low-fat)
An orange (actually eaten a couple of hours later)
Tea

Lunch:

Wrap containing 2oz turkey, red and yellow peppers with lettuce, spritz from Misto of olive oil, vinegar. Wrap was whole wheat (110 calories).
Apple.

Dinner:

4 oz pollo asado, grilled
1/2 cup black beans and tomatoes
1/2 cup brown rice medley
Roasted red peppers and eggplant with misted olive oil

That's all folks.

Now, how do I feel about it?

Well my feelings are mixed, and at one point today I have to admit to being mad with Ms. RD because I was hungry, and I'm a baby, and I don't like being hungry. However, after having dinner and talking to her, I felt better (more full) and like I won't have to go through that again tomorrow.

I felt fine after breakfast. I'm not used to eating a big breakfast anyway, although I usually do have something to eat. At lunch, I was hungry, but not ravenous. I ate lunch, but still felt hungry, even after waiting about 20 minutes and eating an apple. I toyed with putting mayo on my sandwich, but didn't, or even a bit of cheese. I should have done something like that to guard against the voracious hunger that surfaced around 4 pm. I talked to Ms. RD and she okayed the adding of something hearty to lunch. We bandied around suggestions and came up with canola mayo, a little cheese (I think less than 1 oz), nuts, nut-butter, or hummus. She can correct me if I'm wrong about any of this.

I also asked her today about beans. I wanted to add some beans to my dinner, and a strict interpretation of the guidelines she gave me didn't allow for this, but I know, somewhere in my gut that beans are good, so I started cooking them anyway, and added some tomatoes for good measure. Worried though, I e-mailed her and asked about them. She replied, "Beans are great!" She explained that they are a very low-fat, high fibre protein, so they're just plain good for you and a great addition to a meal. Plus, they fill you up. Good to know, eh?

I am having a hard time thinking what to eat for lunch. I always find lunch the hardest meal. Dinner and breakfast are so clearly defined in my mind, but lunch to me always tends towards the sandwich, and I have to get out of that mode of thinking. She e-mailed me with suggestions and a link, both of which I shall post below:

Ms. RD:

OK, how bout some lunch ideas:

1) Homemade chicken salad sandwich (made with 2 tsp canola mayo)on rye bread w/ a cup of fruit mixed with a cup of yogurt (add some nuts into the fruit and yogurt too)

2) Spinach salad with mandarin oranges, sliced almonds, red onions, oil and vinegar topped with 4 oz of grilled chicken or fish

3) Tabouli salad stuffed into a tomato, cup of lentil soup, piece of fruit and a handful of nuts

4)Whole wheat pita or spinach wrap stuffed with loads of veggies: tomato, cucumber, onion, sprouts with 3 Tbsp of hummus as a spread. Add a piece of fruit and a cup of yogurt or a handful of nuts

I love the magazine Eating Well for great nutrient rich, yet healthy recipes. You can search their website for more lunchy ideas :)

You may be wondering why, if I was hungry in-between lunch and dinner, I didn't have a snack. I'm just not a snacker, never really have been. I like my three meals a day and that's it. I don't really like to think about having to snack and it seems that it just makes me hungrier because I want to make every snack into a meal. But Ms. RD likes snacks and she's just humouring this idiocyncracy of mine.

Tomorrow, we'll talk pizza recipes. Stay posted!

The Plan (Rough Draft # 1)

2009-02-03T12:19:00.002-06:00

Here's Ms. RD's first draft of the plan. She says "you don't have to eat all this" and I say, "really, is this all I get?" Oh this is going to be a long road. So before further comments and analysis of my progress along the way, I give you "The Plan":

You don't have to eat all of this, but it's important that you don't get hungry too quickly, because that's when the bad things happen

Breakfast: never skip it!!

* 1 cup of some lowfat/nonfat milk product (milk or yogurt)

* 1 cup of fruit (not juice), this can be 1 large piece of fruit (apple, orange, pear, berries, whatever). Remember, the more skin on it the better (fiber is your friend!)

* 3/4 cup high fiber (>4 grams/serving) cereal or wheat product (can sub if absolutely necessary for a high fiber bread)

-if butter is used here, don't use more than 1 tsp, and don't use any the rest of the day

* Tea is fine here, but just a drop of cream

Lunch

This and dinner are open to improve, but you have to follow these rules:

* 2 cups of vegetables of your choice, if you want more, that's fine, but don't add additional crap like butter, gravy, sauces etc to them

* 3 oz of lean, non-processed meat (chicken, super lean beef or pork, fish)

* 1/2 cup or one slice of high fiber grain (whole wheat pita, whole grain crackers, wild rice, whole wheat pasta)- can omit if desired

* 1 cup fruit

* water, water, water (flavored is ok too, just no sugar)

Dinner

* at least 2 cups of vegetables (raw or steamed is best, but boiled, grilled and sauteed works too)

* 4-5 oz of lean meat (go fishies!)

* If desired: 1/2 cup-3/4 cup of high fiber grain (see above examples)

Things to keep in mind:

If you want more food at your meals or as a snack, these are safe additions (I would suggest not adding more than one per meal/snack):

* 15 almonds/10 pecan halves/8 cashews/8 walnut halves/20 pistachio kernels

* piece of fruit

* slice of cheese (1 oz)

* cup of yogurt

* glass of low fat/skim milk

* add an extra ounce of lean meat

The key is to keep snacks/meal additions to 100 calories or less

If you use canned fruit, make sure its canned in its own juice

Fats: keep it limited to 3 tsp per day (1 tsp of butter or oil is about 30-40 calories), if you have an ounce of cheese, cut your oil/fat back to just 1-2 tsp

Things you can add as desired: vinegar, spices, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, sprouts, cucumbers, etc

If you can stand to have them around, you can have a bite sized chocolate piece when you feel the need (IF you don't go back for more)

It's the Final Countdown

2009-02-02T17:08:00.002-06:00

Now you have that song in your head! I'm deeply sorry, but forgive me and continue reading. I went to the doctor today. You know how they have that annoying habit of weighing you? Well they did, which dealt a swift kick to my big fat elephant in the room of denial. I'm getting ready to start the new healthy eating plan tomorrow. I'm easing in slowly, but I'm so fat, and I've been gorging myself so much this week, that it should be a shock to my system (I'm hoping).

Here's what I've eaten in the past couple of days, just so you get an idea of the extent of my gorginess.

Saturday: A Krispy Kreme donut, Four chicken fingers, fries and three cokes.
Sunday: 2 slices of toast with butter, Indian buffet, 10 potstickers, 3 crackers with cheese and 3 beers, oh and two vitamin waters.

Monday: Still open, but so far: A Krispy Kreme donut, 2 slices of toast with butter, a thai chicken wrap from Trader Joes, a sample of a muffin, a vitamin water, a bag of chips. I plan to drink some wine later too.

But I did go to Trader Joe's today and buy good food, so tomorrow, we start. I will be publishing what I eat on this blog, so you can read along with me, analyse my failures (and hopefully some triumphs) and give me ideas for yummy food.

I'll keep you posted!

Grazing Along

2009-01-28T23:12:00.002-06:00

The Week of Eating Dangerously is going well so far. Today I pigged out on Wensleydale with cranberries on crackers, potstickers, some chili, a Heath bar, and some ice cream. Yesterday was also pretty disgusting. It included frozen lasagna, potstickers, Weetabix with milk, lots of wine, some whiskey for good measure, and an entire pot-roast dinner. I think I'm doing this gorging myself thing some justice. I will be ready to de-tox myself next week.

So Ms. RD, if you're reading, am I making you cringe yet? Are your dietitian fingers itching to get to the keyboard to type me out a nutritional plan that won't kill me in the short or long-term? If you're not cringing yet, I can try harder!

The Week of Eating Dangerously

2009-01-26T20:54:00.002-06:00

My friend the nutritionist, we'll call her Ms. RD (for "registered dietitian"), started a new job today and had to move out to Nashville's furthest out ring of 'burbs, so I'm thinking it will take her all this week to come up with parameters for me of what to eat, how much, and when. I'm really wanting a list of how often and how much I can eat (and drink) certain things.

This week started out badly. I went to a pizza party and Cracker Barrel yesterday, so it was pretty calorie heavy. I decided that while Ms. RD gets settled in, I will eat up all the bad food I have in the house, plan what I'm going to buy at the grocery store, and generally have a last week pigout. (I also went out for Indian today).

So I'm not going to watch anything. Hopefully by next Monday, I'll feel ready to start reining in the waistband because I will be sick to death of the excesses of "The Week of Eating Dangerously." It actually worked for me and smoking. I smoked myself silly, chain, one after the other, the night before I quit and I was so sick of it that I decided to stop altogether. Maybe food will be the same.

It can only go down, right?

2009-01-23T23:12:00.002-06:00

So my weight has now ballooned to an unprecedented level. I don't think I've ever been this fat in my life, and being fat and single at the same time doesn't work as well as fat and complacently in a relationship. I need to trim it down so I can feel confident going out, not like a big bloated thing.

I'm in the process of finding a job, which if you've ever been out of work for a while, you will know is a demoralizing, boring, uncertain time. Although you have a lot of time on your hands, you can't really enjoy it because you're too worried about not bringing in a paycheck. The stress also makes me eat more. I'm bored. I'm stressed out. I eat. I also have difficulty finding the motivation to do anything. I've been staying up late, applying for jobs online, and watching my Netflix movies and M*A*S*H. This week I made a conscious effort to get up early, get out and walk, and go to bed early - to keep as close to the schedule I would have if I were working. I feel a little better, and more ready to make some positive changes.

I also quit smoking almost three weeks ago. This has provided a big boost for my health, but it has also resulted in oh so strong cravings for cookies and potato chips and anything that's as calorie dense as possible. The first couple of weeks were murder, but it's getting a little easier, so I have less excuse to plow my way through any food in my path.

I'm ready though, to start changing things. I've tried to for a year, and I keep getting on the wagon, falling off, dusting myself off, and getting back on. It's difficult and I've struggled with my weight for years now. I felt very defeated until something today gave me hope and a purpose.

My friend and I were talking about work. She's bored in her job and wants to do something different. She spends hours a day at work on gmail chat, game sites, and anything she can waste some time on. We talked about being bored, about having unchallenging jobs, and she randomly remarked that she wanted to write a book, but she's not a good writer.

This gave me an idea. Ping. Lightbulb goes on.

She's a nutritionist. I'm a writer. I need to lose weight and she would like to design a diet. We both agree that people should eat real food, nothing processed, nothing artificial, and as local and in-season as possible. I offered myself up as a writing consultant and guinea pig for her new diet. I believe we could combine her knowledge and experience with my willingness and need to try out a new healthy lifestyle and we could chronicle my struggles along the way.

It's a story of two friends helping each other, scratching each other's backs and making a decision to take some control over their own lives and realize there's something better out there than dead-end, time wasting (have to sneak a nap in the car during the workday) jobs and soul-deadening job searches.

The Wagon and Crawling Back on it

2008-11-09T22:07:00.003-06:00

So I've fallen off the healthy eating wagon, fallen with a thud, several thuds, several very heavy thuds.

I've been horrible. Getting off the wagon last year involved me breaking up with an unhealthy influence, an influence who was, just like Jack In The Box spicy chicken biscuits, Arby's French Dips, and Caesar's Pizza, quite treacherous to my health. It happened again, this time for the last time, and I am equally inspired to regain my grip on my life and my health.

I have, through all this, retained my interest in the environment, recycled obsessively, cut down on my energy usage, and generally tried to be a good citizen. However, frequenting the fast food giants has undermined my efforts.

I went to our newly opened Trader Joe's this weekend, me and EVERYONE else in Nashville, I think, and it has renewed my sense of purpose and inspired me to cook - that and the cold weather, I think.

Anyway, goodbye landfill-body, hello temple-body, again. Wish me luck.

More Thoughts From the Silver Screen

2008-07-21T16:57:00.003-05:00

Last week, we went to see Wall E, thanks to our dear friend over at Green Hills Regal. I kept hearing before I saw it about the homages to 2001 (which I only saw recently, shame on me) and about the amazing graphics and storyline.
I was amazed however, on watching it, that the movie even made it to the big screen. Call me a conspiracy theorist, but it seems that most movies with such an overt message that our consumerist, corporation-dominated culture will ultimately end in disaster only see the dim light of day on limited DVD release (think Idiocracy). I'm gratified to see a kids' movie with adult appeal that grapples with these controversial, but ultimately unavoidable issues (if the human race continues on its current path). This movie is essentially saying to kids and the sometimes conservative parents who bring them to the movie that global warming is real, that our waste and consumption is choking the planet, that we are allowing ourselves to be ruled by money and corporations to the detriment of our intelligence and our bodies and that if we continue, this is what our future will be like. And you know what, kids (and parents), that cute little Disney-created-Number 5-lookalike robot might not be there to save us. That's the scary bit.

Why is it so hard?

2008-07-20T23:57:00.002-05:00

Why is so hard for me to remember to bring my reusable bags to the store? I am getting better about remembering to bring them to the grocery store, but I am useless at remembering to bring them anywhere else. Since watching the 30 Days episode about going off the grid, I feel guilty every time a new plastic bag comes into my possession. I think about it sitting in a landfill for thousands and thousands of years. I think about poor Wall-E having to crush and spit my plastic bags out into a part of a giant skyscraper of waste.
Hopefully these guilt motivators will help me remember!

Murder Mystery

2008-07-20T23:21:00.003-05:00

The other day I came home with a splitting headache, you know the kind where you see spots and the ground keeps moving? I came home at about three in the afternoon and crashed out on the couch. I woke up about eleven that night, of course not knowing where I was or what time it was. I tried to move myself to the bed and go back to sleep.
I laid there, and laid there some more, and laid there some more. No sleep.
I finally decided to give in to my awake-ness. I got up, pottered around for a while and started playing on the computer. I had completely forgotten that I had an .avi file of Who Killed the Electric Car? on my computer. It was about 1:30 or so in the morning by this time, but I figured that sleep wasn't going to happen anyway and I might as well watch it.

During the movie, I had the unnerving thought, for an optimist, that the world we live in must be truly evil. I sensed a black cloud forming and I admit to some Darth Vader imagery as well. It seems that if the things depicted in this documentary were actually allowed to happen, were so efficiently covered up, and continue to happen, then the world must actually be a very evil place.

How can people allow themselves to be so controlled by money?, we ask. It must be that the high-ups at GM and Toyota and Shell, etc... must be truly controlled by agents of the Dark Side. I think though, that the human power of denial has much more to do with it. Many of the interviews in this movie show people who justify their decisions and the decisions of their employer and truly believe that they were in the right. I know I'm guilty of making decisions sometimes based on what will be selfishly most profitable for me in the short term. I'm trying to do it less these days, but I think we all naturally have that tendency.

Still, it doesn't excuse the part those companies, their employees, and government agencies played in killing a very viable technology in favour of prolonging our dependence on the status quo, the internal combustion engine. The movie talks to families who live in high smog areas and lists statistics on the lung capacity and efficiency of children brought up in those areas. That alone should make anyone willing to shatter that status quo and embrace new and different solutions.

During my long and tortuous route through my undergraduate education, I took a journalism class. On the first day, my professor said, "Follow the money - that's all you need to know in journalism. Do that, and we can all go home now." Ten years later, when I watch the news, read articles and listen to political posturing, that advice comes back to me time and time again, and its wisdom is continually renewed. Someone is making too much money from oil. They are riding that gravy train until the gravy is all gone and we're left with a very very dry dinner. (Did I just seriously mix my metaphors?). They are hanging on until the very last second so they can squeeze every last dollar out of oil, while we still have it.

Here's what worries me though. It's not the shortage of gasoline. We all know that a diesel engine can run on just about anything, so we don't have to worry about that. We also know that we can harness the power of the wind, sun, and even the earth to power our homes and our various gizmos. Do you remember the advertisement from a few years ago about plastic? The one that showed an emergency operation and doctors hooking up plastic bags full of fluid to an endangered patient? Well as I watched the movie, I thought about this. Plastic is a petroleum by-product and we are just using it and throwing it away without thinking twice. I recycle mine, but I'm still guilty of using too much of it. What will happen when the oil runs out? Will we have to go back and dig all of that plastic out of the landfills? Will plastic become ridiculously expensive? Will it become a controlled substance only for use in hospitals or in the military? Can you imagine that? I haven't heard much said about this possibility, but it seems to me that if plastic is made from oil and we have an oil shortage, we will also have a plastic shortage.

I've digressed from my original topic of Who Killed the Electric Car, but watching the movie did lead me to thinking about all the other repercussions of our current environmentally irresponsible policies and corporate practices.

Kicking it SVO Style

2008-07-13T14:10:00.002-05:00

I've written before about recycling and my wish to consciously live a more environmentally conscientious lifestyle. I recently watched a documentary called Greasy Rider, about two people who travel across the country in a 1981 Mercedes 240D, with the engine converted to run straight vegetable oil. I knew that diesel engines were capable of this because of Willie Nelson (apparently he's been running his tour bus on it for years), but I didn't realise how easily it can be done.
I also didn't realise the difference between SVO conversions (Straight Vegetable Oil) and biodiesel). Straight Vegetable Oil is a waste product. You can actually fill up your car at McDonalds, for free. It is sometimes called Waste Vegetable Oil. So even if you choose not to eat at McDonalds, you can profit from people who do and help save the environment.

When I was in college in Savannah many years ago, my friend had a 240D Mercedes. It was a great car, one that had a lot of character. You could hear him coming streets away (no one said diesel engines are quiet), but it was a tank of a car. It was old, but quirky and luxurious. Apparently, these old mercs are the post popular cars to convert and will run up to 400,000 miles or so on one engine. I've been toying with the idea lately of buying one and experimenting with running it on vegetable oil. With gas prices at $4 a gallon, it's breaking the bank to fill up my tiny VW.

I don't commute any more (big sigh of relief), but the main chunk of my carbon footprint came from that, even though I drive an extremely gas efficient car. I enthralled with the idea. The conversion kits cost about $900 or so and the car would be a couple of thousand, but for that, I could significantly lower the emissions and use a product that usually ends up in landfills, for free. Most restaurants are happy to have someone pump out their grease because they have to pay to have it taken away. You have to filter it before you can put it in the tank, obviously, because unlike humans, cars don't like french fries, they just like the grease.
The conversion kits provide an additional tank with a heater. Because vegetable oil is thicker than commercial diesel, it has to be heated to reduce its viscosity. The cool thing is that if you don't have access to grease, you can fill up with regular diesel, or biodiesel.
I haven't looked into the availability of biodiesel in Nashville. I'm sure it must be available here, but it's not like there's a pump on every block.
It's just a fantasy idea right now, but it's defineitly something I'm looking into.

My Money's Worth

2008-04-16T12:59:00.002-05:00

Today I went to the cafeteria at the college where I am currently a student and I also work. This is always an interesting experience, but today, the simple act of getting my lunch upset two people working there.
It is always very difficult to filter through the fast food (at this particular cafeteria we have Pizza Hut, Quizno's and Chick-Fil-A) and the other junk (fried Chinese food bowls and "the grill" and the fried chicken usually offered at the home-cooking station) and manage to find something healthy.
The only options for salad dressings are either aspartame and chemical filled low-fat dressings, or packaged creamy dressings. There are no oils or vinegars provided. We have no soup - they took that away - I think it was too healthy. The yogurts are the predictable aspartame flavoured low-fat, the fruit is overpriced, and vegetables do not exist without ham-hocks and floating grease in them.
So it's quite difficult for a newly spawned healthy eater to find something to eat. I decided today, despite the lack of a whole-wheat tortilla option, to get a burrito. I thought I'd just have it with black beans, a little rice, and some fixins. Well the guy making the burrito spooned out what must have been almost an entire can of beans onto the tortilla. I told him to please take some of them off. His reaction was shocked. Then I asked for rice, "just a little bit," and he ladled it on thick yet again. I asked him, again, to take at least half of it away. He was now completely shocked and said, quizzically "but you won't get your money's worth!" I tried to explain to him that I appreciated his concern for my pocketbook, but I was just looking to have lunch, not to eat three meals at once. I did get my sized-down burrito, and it was the perfect amount of food, not the giant behemoths they usually make that I end up mostly throwing away. The guy making it also said, "well, if more people thought like you, we'd end up saving a lot of money." I think I could write a whole blog on that, about the economics of waste in the food industry and how we can all help change that by demanding realistic portions of real food, instead of monstrous piles of cheap garbage on an over-sized plate.
Then I decided to buy one of those Vitamin Waters. I know they aren't particularly healthy, but I needed something with some taste, and that was my best option there. I got to the checkout and the lady rang up my water at $2.99. I asked her if that was correct. She said "yes" and I asked her to cancel it because that was ridiculous for a bottle of flavoured water. She did it, but snorted and looked at me as if I were crazy.
So my dining experience this morning made me feel as if I am a creature from another planet, simply because I wanted something healthy to eat in a reasonable portion accompanied by a not-soda.

I Eat Meat

2008-04-11T14:04:00.002-05:00

I just read in an article in our school newspaper that it takes 700 calories of animal feed to produce 100 calories worth of beef. I hate when I have to read things like that, you know, things that make me think.
It started me thinking about my meat consumption. I love meat. I love bacon, although I haven't indulged in it in a while, and I especially love a really good, juicy, bloody steak. You just can't beat it, but I've long felt guilty about eating meat. Most of my guilt stemmed from the animal cruelty aspect, and I do freely admit to being a "not tested on animals" cosmetic buying meat eating hypocrite. I have struggled with trying to rectify this hypocrisy and perhaps justify what I'm doing, but logically I can't.
Now the onslaught against we well meaning, but ultimately weak meat lovers has taken a new direction; now not only are we cruel, heartless flesh eaters, but we are also ruining the environment and causing famine in Africa. That's a lot to feel guilty about (It doesn't help that I read this article while eating a chicken burrito).
What's a meat lover to do? For several Lenten periods, I have successfully given up meat and one year, I gave it up for about nine months, but I always go back to eating it. I have a friend who was a voracious meat eater, but I believe he has given it up for about two years now, so perhaps it is possible.
This article also said that by giving up meat, people can reduce environmental footprint by more than if they stopped driving altogether.
I discovered this week that I really like tofu, and I've finally figured out how to cook it so it's edible, so perhaps I can start to reduce my meat consumption and start making more vegetarian choices. I don't think I can go cold turkey, (pun fully intended) but perhaps I can start to change in the right direction and practice another way of living a more conscientious life.

Random Thoughts of a Gas Guzzler

2008-03-21T09:58:00.004-05:00

I've been joking around lately that if I don't recycle, then Al Gore comes to haunt me in my dreams. You know what they say, be careful what you say in jest, lest it come true.

I have been trying to get my mother to recycle. She doesn't like to do it because it's "messy," which really fits in with Al Gore's film title An Inconvenient Truth. I have to admit that until seeing that film, I thought of recycling as kind of a fad (and I consider myself occasionally to be an intelligent person) and had the impression that it didn't really help anything that much. But I suppose we grow older and wiser. My mother is now being very good about the recycling, as long as I promise to take it before it becomes overwhelming. (I used some very ugly tactics to bring her over to the green side, of which I should be ashamed, such as telling her she might as well vote Republican - I know, that was harsh, but I did it for the lush, green earth).

This morning I was driving to school and thinking about all sorts of environmental things. I don't remember my dreams last night, but I woke up thinking about Al Gore, so I think he was in them again. He likes to hang out there and chastise me. I thought about how difficult it is to be a good greenie. I am trying to eat organic foods and I'm trying to recycle as much as I can, but I still have to drive over an hour each day to get to work/school. I drive a small VW, so at least it's getting good milage, but according to Al Gore's website(http://www.climatecrisis.net/takeaction/carboncalculator/#), it still puts me above average on energy consumption. I thought, on my drive to school, about the fact that I try: I've recycled for the past three years, I drive a small car, and I try to eat locally and organic, and I quit smoking. What about people who don't even care at all? How would they fare on Al Gore's calculator? Most people don't think about their environmental footprint at all. I'm not trying to say that I'm better than them because I do, I'm really just thinking about our society and its priorities. What are people supposed to think when their president tells them it's patriotic to buy a Hummer? Then you have the car companies, who instead of concentrating on making small, economic cars are building enormous hybrid SUVs and then patting themselves on the back because these behemoths get the same milage as a large car. No one is preaching sacrifice. No one is requiring it. Shouldn't someone be setting an example?

It seems it's a long and lonely road for Al Gore.

Campaign for Real Food

2008-03-14T10:19:00.000-05:00

To briefly explain the title of this blog, the phrase comes from the first episode of ST Deep Space Nine. Benjamin Sisko realises, through the guidance of the Wormhole Aliens (or Prophets, depending on your religious views), that he has been existing inside his head at the moment of his wife's death and has not been able to free himself of this restriction on his life. This blog and its title intends to act as a conscious step by me to live a life free from emotional restrictions tied irrationally to the past and move through the world with a determination to actively create positive situations and a healthy, enjoyable lifestyle on my own terms, while engaging in increased respect for others and for the environment.

For the past couple of weeks, following, perhaps predictably, a breakup, I've been making sweeping changes to my lifestyle, both in thought and in action. It occurred to me that I, a person who has read books like Fast Food Nation, Fatland, and You Are What You Eat, a person who knows the dangers, have for the past year, been treating my body less like a temple and more like a landfill. As I write, I am absorbing the absolute veracity of that statement. I had become lazy and relied on fast food increasingly more often. I ate at Arby's and Hardee's and McDonalds several times a week, when at one time in my life, I didn't eat at those places for years. They had become for me voids in the landscape where nothing existed except the physical exteriors of the buildings. I never considered the fare cooked inside, food filled with preservatives, chemicals, trace metals, and even plastics. And yet, during this past tumultuous year, I had allowed them to creep into my life and I found myself enjoying the Spicy Chicken Biscuit from Jack in the Box without a real consideration for what it actually is. Of course, over this past year, I've put on a disgusting amount of weight, a side-effect of this lazy, calorie-rich, nutrient-poor life.

These actions perpetuated a decline in my concern for my appearance and environment, which ultimately has eaten into my confidence the same way I ate my way through pounds of greasy fare. Last week I cut my hair, quit smoking, and decided to make some changes for good.

I pondered on my way to work today that if I continue to cut out fast food and unhealthy food from my diet and try to eat as naturally as possible, then what are the options available to me in approximately the same time as fast food on my way to work. Sadly, they are severely limited. I counted, amid the golden arches and red glowing cowboy hats, only one coffee/sandwich shop (Panera) and a grocery store that might provide healthy, natural, quick food. What is the state of the country (or perhaps only the region) if healthy, natural food is both difficult to find and prohibitively expensive? What has happened to us in the last century that we accept this state of affairs?

I do want to lose weight, but I'm not prepared either to eat chemically altered low-fat food or foods in which the fat has merely been replaced by sugar. If I'm going to do this, then I'm going to do it right. I'm giving up white flour and white grains, well at least severely limiting them as much as possible. At one time, this would have been a huge sacrifice for me, but lately I've found whole grains I like and a whole grain bread I really like too, and I've realised that they do fill you up much more substantially. Saving calories on things like that has allowed me to drink a couple of glasses of wine and enjoy some dark chocolate when I feel like it. I've also given up sodas and started drinking fizzy water and occasionally juice instead. I'm experimenting with different foods so I can experience a whole new way of eating and won't be bored. I've eaten bulgar wheat and wheat berries and brown rice in the past couple of weeks and thoroughly enjoyed them. I'm still eating butter and olive oil and eggs and almond butter and the occasional steak. I'm just trying to be judicious instead of allowing myself to eat any old crap that's quick, cheap, and easy, because ultimately if that's how you eat, that's how you end up feeling. I agree with the adage, "you are what you eat."