Apologies

I do apologize, dear readers, for the lack of activity on this blog over the past couple of weeks. A couple of posts ago, I explained I was feeling a little down in the dumps, which actually has continued for a while, despite my best efforts to kick the doldrums into the middle of the proverbial "next week" for several past weeks. I also have developed a mysterious ailment, the origin of which is completely bamboozling both me and my doctor: I have, at this point, almost constant vertigo. This started about three weeks ago, when I stood up at work and felt suddenly lightheaded and as if my legs would buckle. The occurrences of this have become so often that it feels like I am dizzy all the time. I am finding it difficult to function under these circumstances. I have been depressed, had panic and anxiety attacks, and now, on top of this, I am constantly dizzy and nauseous. My doctor's best guess is a viral infection, cause unknown, that will "probably" work its way out. I hope probably turns out to be pretty probable, because I feel awful.

I have to go to work tomorrow, and I am dreading being there and feeling terrible all day. The only time I feel better, weirdly enough, is when I'm swimming. The only explanation I have is that I'm on a different equilibrium in the water, so I don't feel sick or dizzy.

I joined the Y, dear readers. I decided that the legacy of AMWUDM would not be the destruction of my health. I quit smoking, cold turkey, twelve days ago, two days after I joined the Y and started swimming, after work, as often as my schedule will allow. I started swimming to feel better, to thwart depression, moodiness, apathy, and to gain some energy. It wouldn't hurt if it continued to help me lose weight (I'm already much skinnier post break-up - that is one good thing), but some toning wouldn't hurt either, especially as I happen to know that the post break-up weight reaction has not gone quite the same way for the other party involved. I hate to say it, but that gives me impetus to be fit, healthy, and look good. Perhaps that's spiteful, but I don't really care - it's all about me at this point, and what makes ME feel good, and knowing that I do and will look a hundred times better than I did then gives me a kind of smug satisfaction. Well, whatever it takes to motivate, right?